USAFMEDIC45's Rules of Medical Care and EMS

[usafmedic45]

I mentioned compiling a list of my "rules" (as previously posted on here) in another thread in passing and had several people PM me asking me to actually do it so....here you go:

USAFMEDIC45's Rule of Displaying Professional Pride: "The fewer people who know what you do for a living, the better when what you are trained to do might make you either look like a cold-hearted :censored::censored::censored::censored::censored::censored::censored: (refusing to help) or put you at risk of legal repercutions, infection or other sorts of dangers. "
USAFMEDIC45's Rule of Professional Discussion: ""Bring evidence, or be prepared to lose the argument"

USAFMEDIC45's Rules of Scene Safety: Rule #1: I don't have to outrun the dog/guy with a knife/angry goose/rabid squirrel/bear, I just have to out run you and possibly the patient...
Rule #2: Train to run in boots.

USAFMEDIC45's Rule of Social Interaction: "We all engage in social triage. The fact is most of us choose not to see it or simply do not discuss it."

USAFMEDIC45's 95/5 rule: 95% of people are attracted to EMS by 5% of the calls; the 5% of us who stay in it long term, tend to be sustained (emotionally and professionally) by the other 95% of the calls.

USAFMEDIC45's Rule #1 of Off-duty Responses: "If it involves something going inside an orifice, you probably shouldn't be doing it to a patient while off duty. Apply that rule as broadly or narrowly as you like."

USAFMEDIC45's Rule of Diagnosis: If they can't spell the name of the condition, chances are their diagnosis of it is questionable at best.

USAFMedic45's Rule #1 of Protocol Development: "If they can't spell the procedure, they probably should not be allowed to perform it."

USAFMedic45's Rule #1 of Treatment Decision Making: "Don't just do something, stand there!"

USAFMedic45's Rule of Head Injuries: "The general rule is that the human skull is like most Marines in a barfight. It's tough, but not as tough as a lot of people like to believe."

USAFMEDIC45's Rule of Personal Jump KitsThe less crap you carry around with you while off work, the less likely you are to be ostracized as a "Rescue Randy" by your peers

USAFMEDIC45's Rule of Prehospital Problem-solvingSometimes the best thing to do is to simply fix the symptoms and let the hospital figure out what's causing them.
Corollary: "Never make more work for yourself when you're already not being paid enough to manage, let alone figure this crap out."


USAFMEDIC45's Rule of On-Scene CommunicationNever, ever, utter the phrase "Oh my God! Is he ****ing dead?!!!"
USAFMEDIC45's Rule of Dating (corollary to the previous one): Make sure the girl you're dating (who was in your POV with you when the call for the VFD came in) does, in fact, follow your instructions to "stay in the truck"

USAFMedic45's Rules of Airway Management:
#1: Oxygenation and ventilation are the goal, not intubation
#2: Your ego: check it at the door
#3: Call for help; in fact, call for more help than you think you will need
#4: If it is stupid and it works, it isn’t stupid
#5: Newer is not always better
#6: Plan ahead (avoid the “coffin corner”)
#7: Hold your own breath
#8: If it’s not working, let someone else try or try something else
#9: When in doubt, skip to the end of the protocol (surgical airway)
#10: If they are still breathing and you are not sure you can take over, don’t stop them from doing so

USAFMEDIC45's Rule of Eyewitness Testimony: When something doesn't make sense, assuming the "witness" is lying or at least skewing what happened is probably a fair assumption.

USAFMEDIC45's Rule of Free Education: Never turn down free training from a reputable source.

"Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity, but don't rule out malice" (Heinlein's razor)

 

[cOmpressor]

Pure gold there, love it.

 

[Crusader]

"USAFMEDIC45's Rule of On-Scene Communication Never, ever, utter the phrase "Oh my God! Is he ****ing dead?!!!"

Been there a few times, usually with a few more explicit words added.
Good advice in civilian practice.

 

[nemedic]

USAFMEDIC45's Rule #1 of Off-duty Responses: "If it involves something going inside an orifice, you probably shouldn't be doing it to a patient while off duty. Apply that rule as broadly or narrowly as you like."

Corollary to that is that you never go making new orifices in patients, through tearing or other means. Interpret that as you will.

 

[mycrofft]

Good ones!

RAH?! I don't remember that "razor", but then I can barely remember much of his last four books.

Or, to paraphrase Peewee *, in a static situation, try changing any variable you can and watch for a better outcome...in her case, shoving chewing gum into a doorjamb.



*Ms Virginia Reisfeld in "Have Spacesuit Will Travel"

 

[usafmedic45]

Corollary to that is that you never go making new orifices in patients, through tearing or other means. Interpret that as you will.

I'm not sure how that was intended, but if it was a veiled attempt at trying to get me to be "nicer" to people on here who are stupid or misguided....interpret this as you will: not going to happen.

 

[Sasha]

Stevie, making new friends i see

 

[nemedic]

I'm not sure how that was intended, but if it was a veiled attempt at trying to get me to be "nicer" to people on here who are stupid or misguided....interpret this as you will: not going to happen.

Someone like yourself in the above response perhaps? If you read through my corollary again, you'll notice where it referred to PATIENTS. I agree whole-heartedly with damn near everything you say on the forum. It was intended as a double veiled attempt against people who needlessly rush to perform invasive procedures, as well as the providers that are so burnt out they have piss poor bedside manner

 

[usafmedic45]

Someone like yourself in the above response perhaps? If you read through my corollary again, you'll notice where it referred to PATIENTS. I agree whole-heartedly with damn near everything you say on the forum. It was intended as a double veiled attempt against people who needlessly rush to perform invasive procedures, as well as the providers that are so burnt out they have piss poor bedside manner

Oh, OK. I wasn't sure if you were trying to be snide or not. I wasn't trying to be rude. Just figured I would seek further clarification.

Stevie, making new friends i see

Always.

 

[fast65]

Right click, copy and save. Thanks usafmedic!

 

[nemedic]

Oh, OK. I wasn't sure if you were trying to be snide or not. I wasn't trying to be rude. Just figured I would seek further clarification.



Always.

No worries. Figured I'd play devils advocate, or something like that, and play the meanie. On another note, why does the iPhones auto correct want to replace meanie into newbie? Hidden symbolism?

 

[HotelCo]

Sticky?

 

[Chimpie]

Sticky?

Nope.

 

[foxfire]

Love it!!!

 

[HotelCo]

Nope.

Periodic bumps/ link in the signature it is.

 

[shfd739]

I want to give the above to some of our newbies..Along with the following:

You are new here: You dont have an opinion about the company/service till youve been here 6 months. Until 6 months respond "Im happy to be here and support the company/mission however I can". Im tired of the 1 month employees that want to question and berate everything we do and are negative about where they work. And keep your mouth shut and eyes/ears open.

A friend went to work at the local air service last year and was told the above. At first he said it was off-putting till he stopped and thought, then he realized it made perfect sense.

 

[nemedic]

I want to give the above to some of our newbies..Along with the following:

You are new here: You dont have an opinion about the company/service till youve been here 6 months. Until 6 months respond "Im happy to be here and support the company/mission however I can". Im tired of the 1 month employees that want to question and berate everything we do and are negative about where they work. And keep your mouth shut and eyes/ears open.

A friend went to work at the local air service last year and was told the above. At first he said it was off-putting till he stopped and thought, then he realized it made perfect sense.

+1. You can't really expect to "get" a place without at least a few months under your belt. If you seriously are negative about a place inside of a month, the place is either so horrible its collapse is almost imminent, or you didn't do your homework and check out the company and the people that work there. It's amazing how much information about a company you can find out if only you know where/who to ask (with the obvious caveat that you can not trust only one employee's opinion. There is probably an underlying reason they give you an extremely negative/positive review on a company.)

 

[Aidey]

I want to give the above to some of our newbies..Along with the following:

You are new here: You dont have an opinion about the company/service till youve been here 6 months. Until 6 months respond "Im happy to be here and support the company/mission however I can". Im tired of the 1 month employees that want to question and berate everything we do and are negative about where they work. And keep your mouth shut and eyes/ears open.

A friend went to work at the local air service last year and was told the above. At first he said it was off-putting till he stopped and thought, then he realized it made perfect sense.

 

[JPINFV]

I want to give the above to some of our newbies..Along with the following:

You are new here: You dont have an opinion about the company/service till youve been here 6 months. Until 6 months respond "Im happy to be here and support the company/mission however I can". Im tired of the 1 month employees that want to question and berate everything we do and are negative about where they work. And keep your mouth shut and eyes/ears open.

A friend went to work at the local air service last year and was told the above. At first he said it was off-putting till he stopped and thought, then he realized it made perfect sense.

Absolute and utter bull poop. I don't care if I've been someplace 10 days or 10 years, if I have a suggestion or a question about why something is done a certain way, I have every right to be given a proper answer. There's a way to question practices professionally and that needs to be adhered to, and you (generic "you") need to be open to the reason provided, but sometimes the best thing a service needs is an outside opinion.

 

[DesertMedic66]

Absolute and utter bull poop. I don't care if I've been someplace 10 days or 10 years, if I have a suggestion or a question about why something is done a certain way, I have every right to be given a proper answer. There's a way to question practices professionally and that needs to be adhered to, and you (generic "you") need to be open to the reason provided, but sometimes the best thing a service needs is an outside opinion.

Agreed 100%.