Patient Friendly Jokes

wanderingmedic

RN, Paramedic
448
61
28
I like to tell (the same) jokes to patients to help lighten the mood and get people to relax. What patient friendly jokes do you have?

Here are some of mine:

Did you hear about the kidnapping at the school?
It's okay, he work up.

Why did the aligator wear a vest?
because he was an in-vest-i-gator

How much beer does it take to get a tropical bird drunk?
Two-cans

Why did the can crusher quit his job?
it was soda pressing

(before IV stick) Don't worry, this won't hurt me any.
 

elshion

Forum Probie
27
4
3
Whenever I put the pulse ox on them I say "can I see your hand I just need to put this on". When one gives me their middle finger I usually say "oh so it's been that kinda day hasn't it?" It takes them a second and most laugh a good bit from it. Haven't gotten a bad reaction yet.

Also, whenever I get the billing sig I explain that "this is so we can bill your insurance, so that we don't have to come back and take one of your kidneys". I usually get a few laughs outta that one too
 

johnrsemt

Forum Deputy Chief
1,464
202
63
When I ask for a finger and they don't give me the middle finger I tell them that they missed a good chance to flip me off.
When I am getting ready to stick an IV or finger stick I tell them if it hurts to punch my partner,
 

Ronfyre

Forum Probie
13
1
3
How do you make best friends with a squirrel?

Act like a nut.
 

Red Shirt 6

Forum Ride Along
9
2
3
Depending on age and time I use these.

The Good Doctor
One Day a man tells a Doctor I want to live forever. So the Doctor asks him a few questions.
Doctor: How much meat do you eat?
Man: I am vegan so no meat or animal products.
Doctor: Sex?
Man I am widowed, I do not date; no sex.
Doctor: Do you gamble? Drink Alcohol? or play golf?
Man: No I do not do any of that.

The Doctor pauses then says no meat, sex, drinking, gambling or golf.
So why do you want to live forever?


One day former president Bush is walking through an airport and sees Mosses. Bush does everything to engage Moses into a conversation. Bush yells why wont you talk to me!? and Moses replies The last time I talked to a Bush I spent 40 years wondering the desert.

Which side of a bear has the most fur?
The outside.
 

Martyn

Forum Asst. Chief
619
54
28
Quote '(before IV stick) Don't worry, this won't hurt me any.'

Patient: Will this hurt?
Me: Nope, I won't feel a thing
 

Mitchellmvhs

Forum Crew Member
41
14
8
I tend to say these to every pt

Loading pt in ambulance: we promise not to drop you! We only drop people on (whatever the day was).

Have you ever been in an ambulance? (If it’s first time): first and last time right?
 

Fezman92

NJ and PA EMT
436
70
28
After I get done taking vitals "You can take your arm back. So far no one has told me to keep it which is great. Lots of paperwork to fill out if that happens." Always gets a laugh. I had a double BTK amputee (we were taking him home from this second BTK surgery) who laughed and replied with "No I've given enough of me away at this point."
 

pregnancywhine

Forum Crew Member
42
4
8
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Fezman92

NJ and PA EMT
436
70
28
Whenever I have a pt sign the standard paperwork I tell them “this is just saying that everything is confidential, authorization to bill insurance, and that you agreed to come with us and we didn’t kidnap you.” The last part always gets a laugh.
 

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