partner that passes away...

[Medic14]

I'm new to the ems world and there are many things that I have not experienced. I am counting on my fellow ems personal to help me in this time of need...

My partner was not my partner for a long time but him and I had a connection, a work and personal connection. We clicked. He was troubled and depressed. I helped him as much as I could but when job opportunities broke us up, we lost touch.

Found out he took his own life a month after our last day together. I feel like an 18 wheeler is on my chest. I never meant to care about a partner this much but how can you not after working together, whether it be a short time or the only partner you have ever known.

Is there any way to distant yourself from your partner so that if something unexpected happens, you aren't in this much grief. Or is it best to be there as much as possible, invest in your partner just like your patients.

I'm at a loss....

 

[Aprz]

At my company, when somebody dies, they offer something like CISM that everyone is allowed to attend. Has or will your company be offering something like that?

If not, maybe take a (couple) days off, hang out with friends and family. Don't be afraid to talk to a professional.

Check out The Code Green Campaign on Facebook. They could probably give you better advice and point you to the right resources.

 

[Medic14]

We both worked at a company that was a little MA and PA type place. Nothing that has those services

But thank you for your help....

 

[Anjel]

I'm very sorry for your loss. I do strongly recommend checking out The Code Green campaign.

I think it would be hard to try and distance yourself. I see my partner more than my family and husband. They teach you scene safety. That your safety is number one. But I've had partners that I would gladly risk my life for. They become family.

 

[Chupathangy]

Is there any way to distant yourself from your partner so that if something unexpected happens, you aren't in this much grief. Or is it best to be there as much as possible, invest in your partner just like your patients.

I wish I knew. Our partners, and even our fellow EMS workers whom we've never met before, are very close to us all. Its tragic hearing about incidents like this. All I can say is it sounds like you tried to be there for your partner when he really needed someone. Despite everything happening in his life, I'm sure he was able to take at least some comfort in knowing that there were people like you who cared about him.

I'm sorry for your loss

 

[TechMedic]

You don't. If you are working for the right people, then everyone becomes your brother/sister/friend. You can walk on a scene where someone has taken their life and just seen it as a DOA, but when its someone you know, you become that one person you do your best to calm down and keep away from the sight of the body of their family member because they are that erratic (I have learned to NEVER use this word in the field).

I am very sorry your partner took his life, but as a person who has contemplated such things, you may never understand the why but I hope you can take comfort that he is at peace now. Life sucks. We all know it. I see no shame in his actions, only sadness.

This would have been my suicide song

Things will never ever be the same again
I hope that you will understand the pain I was in
I wanna thank you for the times of being a friend
Sorry I've reached the end, maybe I'll see you again

 

[UnkiEMT]

First, you don't distance yourself from your partner. In the best of times, this is someone you're going to spend more time with than anyone else in the world...in the worst of times, this is the person who's going to be standing by your side while you witness some of the worst tragedies that happen in a normal lifetime, what gets you through those times, and back on the truck to take the next call is knowing your partner is there by your side. You can't distance yourself.

I've had a partner of mine commit suicide, but fortunately(?) for me, it was about 4 years after I worked with him. I raised a glass for him, I poured a glass out for him, and I cried. My partner at the time was by my side.

He was a casualty of the world just as much as a patient was. I miss him, I wonder sometimes if I wasn't seeing the early signs of the depression when I was working with him, and maybe if I had done something more, I could have nipped it in the bud.

Ultimately, though, :censored::censored::censored::censored: happens, and I've got to answer the next set of tones.

 

[Medic14]

Thank you, everyone, for your responses. I have been reading them over and over again and they are helping. I know that this too shall pass and life will resume whether we are prepared for it or not.

While we were partners, he tried to overdose. I told him he needed help. He said he knew and that he was seeking help. He told me he was getting back into religion and was going to stay on the right track. When he would get angry or question himsef, I would be there for him. Could I have done more? Should I have kept in more contact with him? Those questions and the memories are killing me right now.

I appreciate everyone's thoughts and words of advice. I will continue to reread them until I can find some clarity in this...