EMS and Relationships

[m7592]

I feel like I'm asking this in the wrong forum since most of you will be biased but at the same time one of the better ones to ask because you guys are actually involved with it. So idk but...

A girl Im seeing is on her way to becoming an EMT. Didn't know much about it, so did my research. After hearing about the very long odd hours, very low pay, high levels of stress, some going to drugs or alcohol to relax, possible PTSD, missing out on all holidays and special occasions , and having this girl be with her partner more than me most likely, the high chances of cheating, going to bed alone most nights, and very high divorce rates. I just dont think thats the type of relationship I want to be in. Doesn't even sound like much of a relationship. I think I'd begin to slowly feel disconnected to her over time. On top of that, this girl is already at a high risk for getting divorced since her parents did and she basically grew up without a father. Combine the two and its not looking too good for me.

I feel kinda of shallow and bad for this, but at the same time thinking about my future and what I want

I havent been seeing her for long so its not like this is a relationship thats been going on for years and then she decided to become an EMT after a steady happy relationship. It's more like she'll be done school in about 4 months so our relationship would be very new if it got to that point which I think would make the whole situation even more difficult to deal with.

What are your guys' experience with new relationships with EMT's or others in EMS? I feel like it's not worth it. Especially since this is so new, we havent seen each other long, and girl is one of the less attractive girls I've been with. I know I can do better, I've been with some incredible looking women with great families and I'm sure they would have a much more safe, higher paying job where I could actually spend a good amount of time with them. But at the same time my feelings about her are taking me in another direction.

 

[STXmedic]

...

 

[StCEMT]

If you want it to work, you will make it work. People make excuses all the time about why it "cant" work, but its easier to quit than actually put in the work to make it last.

 

[squirrel15]

No relationship will ever work for you if you are always looking at stats. Relationships are hard and take effort. If you go into every relationship looking at how things won't work out, they won't. And who the hell decides their chance of divorce is great in the beginning of a relationship, get off reddit for a few days man.

 

[m7592]

No relationship will ever work for you if you are always looking at stats. Relationships are hard and take effort. If you go into every relationship looking at how things won't work out, they won't. And who the hell decides their chance of divorce is great in the beginning of a relationship, get off reddit for a few days man.

Lol never been on there. Why would I think about my future? Cause I don't want to invest a bunch of time, effort, and money into a person if it has a very high likelihood of not working out.

I knew I asked the wrong crowd.

Can mods delete this thread?

 

[STXmedic]

Asked the wrong crowd? What would be the right crowd for this question? We don't have any loyalty to this girl just because she's going through EMT school.

Honestly, it sounds like you've already answered the question yourself and you're just looking for validation. You already sound checked out of the relationship.

 

[Jdog]

Lol never been on there. Why would I think about my future? Cause I don't want to invest a bunch of time, effort, and money into a person if it has a very high likelihood of not working out.

I knew I asked the wrong crowd.

Can mods delete this thread?

It's not that you're asking the wrong crowd, it's that you've already made up your mind and are just looking for people to give you the answer you want to hear. A girlfriend is not an investment. You sound like your trying to choose the best stocks to pick from. If you are not a troll and are being serious, you need to step back and realize you know nothing about the future. Statistics don't mean **** when you're talking about an individual. Honestly though, save this girl the heartache and break up with her now. You sound like a terribly narcissistic person. That girl is a human being with feelings. Not a piece of meat to invest in for some future return.

 

[StCEMT]

Lol never been on there. Why would I think about my future? Cause I don't want to invest a bunch of time, effort, and money into a person if it has a very high likelihood of not working out.

I knew I asked the wrong crowd.

Can mods delete this thread?

This aint a math class dude, you don't need to go Einstein on these probabilities of divorce, PTSD, stress or whatever. Most things in life that people look at statistics for like this are just a matter of mindset. You two are the ones in control if you work or not, not the other 99%. Who gives a damn about what is happening to them? Gonna get out what you put in, and from these few paragraphs it doesn't look like much. You came here asking a question and you got an honest answer. I'll second what's been said, you don't sound like you are willing to be 110% supportive when it does get tough so just make it easy and end it now, it'll be better for her in the long run.

 

[chaz90]

We don't delete threads without cause. Tread lightly in this thread though. Mods are watching closely.

 

[m7592]

Asked the wrong crowd? What would be the right crowd for this question? We don't have any loyalty to this girl just because she's going through EMT school.

Honestly, it sounds like you've already answered the question yourself and you're just looking for validation. You already sound checked out of the relationship.

I'll admit you're right. I did make my decision and I am looking for validation. Just seeing if I made the right choice, but I guess it more has to do with me not liking her enough. If I did, I'd probably stick around through anything with her. So I guess I did make the right choice. But more for the reason that I just wasnt that into her as I thought.

 

[m7592]

We don't delete threads without cause. Tread lightly in this thread though. Mods are watching closely.

The cause is it created a sudden **** storm lol. Didn't think I'd offend a bunch of people in EMS that easily.

 

[chaz90]

Creating a controversial thread that generates discussion isn't cause to remove a thread from public view. We ask that members consider their posts before making them public.

 

[CALEMT]

I'll admit you're right. I did make my decision and I am looking for validation. Just seeing if I made the right choice, but I guess it more has to do with me not liking her enough. If I did, I'd probably stick around through anything with her. So I guess I did make the right choice. But more for the reason that I just wasnt that into her as I thought.

This isn't Dr. Phil and someone's emotions are not to be toyed with. From what I've read it sounds like you're already checked out of this relationship. Are you validated for breaking up with a girl just because she's in EMT school? No, you're not. And if you're looking for that to be validation then that's pretty lame IMO. People that are in relationships go through EMT, medic, and nursing school all the time. Will there be a strain on the relationship? Probably, but people make it work.

 

[m7592]

This isn't Dr. Phil and someone's emotions are not to be toyed with. From what I've read it sounds like you're already checked out of this relationship. Are you validated for breaking up with a girl just because she's in EMT school? No, you're not. And if you're looking for that to be validation then that's pretty lame IMO. People that are in relationships go through EMT, medic, and nursing school all the time. Will there be a strain on the relationship? Probably, but people make it work.

school is different. not the same as having a job that has you working odd long hours, missing out on holidays and special occasions, a work place where cheating is so common cause the opportunity very easily presents itself, going to sleep alone, eating dinner alone, a lot of cancelled plans and high stress. Just doesnt sound like the type of life I want to live. And yeah I guess I just dont like her enough if Im not willing to go through it. Theres plenty of other women out there that I could get along with a find just as interesting, more attractive, but not have to put up with that lifestyle. And im not messing with her emotions. People break up with other people for a variety of reasons. This just happens to mine. and we arent even actually together in a relationship, but she finishes school in like 4 months. If we were in a well established, stable, happy relationship for years that'd be different, but this is a new girl. Another thing that would make this even more complicated is that we live over an hour away from each other. So with that work schedule and us being this far apart, the odds aren't looking too good. I'd rather end it now then get deep into a relationship and much more emotionally attached

 

[squirrel15]

Good luck in future relationships Manti

 

[MonkeyArrow]

I, for one, don't think it's "wrong" that you don't think you can have a relationship with someone because of they are an EMT. Just don't string them along, tell them and break up with them.

 

[m7592]

I, for one, don't think it's "wrong" that you don't think you can have a relationship with someone because of they are an EMT. Just don't string them along, tell them and break up with them.

People make it work, but it just has a high likelihood of not working from how much I've read online. I almost feel like I would be settling when I know I'm capable of getting plenty of women, and those who have a much more normal schedule that would allow for more time together and less stress and strain on a relationship. And no I wouldnt string someone along. No reason to do that. Just mean and a waste mine and her time

 

[Jim37F]

Dude, you are over generalizing WAAAYYYY to much. What you're doing is basically the equivilant of "WebMD'ing" a funny cough and going "ZOMG! I've got a rare, uncurable cancer with 100% mortality rate, I'm gonna die in 2 weeks!!!" You're looking at the absolute worst things that can happen and already assuming each and every one of them will happen. It honestly sounds like you are merely looking for an excuse to end the relationship already. Honestly it sounds like if she was doing anything else, you'd be looking into the possible negatives as reasons to split if she was in school or working at Starbucks or retail. Sure the hours of individual shifts can be longer than "normal" jobs, but the flip side is that 12 hour shifts you only work 3-4 days a week, leaving plenty of time to do stuff together. EMS and other medical careers are hardly alone where the entry level job (EMT) has low pay....I can only imagine how bad you'd be freaking out if you found out she was going to become an unpaid intern somewhere..... Same with high levels of stress. Heck my impression of you just from reading your post is that you're putting yourself under far more stress than I am at the moment If your fears were even anywhere close to reality, its a wonder any of us manage to form to same human relationships as anyone else does

 

[m7592]

lol **** this place.

 

[k9Dog]

Lol. Is this for real? She will have more days off than any of her friends.