Dispatchers Say the Darndest Things...

[traumateam1]

It all depends on where you live. There are places here in Florida, out in the sticks, that have a 30 minute response time because they live soooooo far away from everything. What are you going to do, set up a fire station in the boonies for three houses that are spaced miles apart?
Dont be so quick to judge. Your post sounded really condescending.

Well two things:
First - I wasn't judging at all, just wondering. I don't judge usually and this is one of the times that I was not judging.
Second - The post wasn't ment to sound condescending, I don't know why you took it that way, I was just surpirsed that it took 30 minutes for a high prioirty call. So no need to be "quick to judge" here.

Obviously I know there not gonna set up a fire hall for 3 houses spaced a few miles apart. I was just surprised at how long it took.

Anyways sorry to Buzz if my post sounded judgmental or condescending, because it was neither.
Take care!

 

[reaper]

It all depends on where you live. There are places here in Florida, out in the sticks, that have a 30 minute response time because they live soooooo far away from everything. What are you going to do, set up a fire station in the boonies for three houses that are spaced miles apart?
Dont be so quick to judge. Your post sounded really condescending.

I wouldn't setup a Fire station anyways! I may station an ambulance closer to the Boonies, to reduce the response times. It is done all over FL. There are stations that may run 3 calls a month, but they are there for the "just in case" times.

 

[Scout]

Not to go too off post, but in Galway, Ireland, response time for AS1 (Top priority, lights and sirens) can be 90 minutes. Just because of how far out in the sticks they are!

Galway 90 min???

That would be extreme, very extreme

 

[Paranini]

Dispatch: Medic 145 P2 for ingestion @ Bal's Liquor
Medic 145: Copy, en route. Confirm Bal's Liquor?
Dispatch: That's affirm, pt states he swallowed something funny while working.
Medic 145: I bet he did

 

[BOPDCTEMT]

Dispatcher : 9-1-1 What is your emergency?
Caller: I heard what sounded like gunshots coming from the brown house on the corner.
Dispatcher: Do you have an address?
Caller: No, I have on a blouse and slacks, why?

Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is your emergency?
Caller : Someone broke into my house and took a bite out of my ham and cheese sandwich .
Dispatcher : Excuse me?
Caller : I made a ham and cheese sandwich and left it on the kitchen table and when I came back from the bathroom, someone had taken a bite out of it.
Dispatcher : Was anything else taken?
Caller : No, but this has happened to me before and I'm sick and tired of it!


Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is the nature of your emergency?
Caller: I'm trying to reach nine eleven but my phone doesn't have an eleven on it.
Dispatcher: This is nine eleven.
Caller: I thought you just said it was nine-one-one
Dispatcher: Yes, ma'am nine-one-one and nine-eleven are the same thing.
Caller: Honey, I may be old, but I'm not stupid.

My Personal Favorite!!!
Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What's the nature of your emergency?
Caller: My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart.
Dispatcher: Is this her first child?
Caller: No, you idiot! This is her husband!

And the winner is..........

Dispatcher: 9-1-1
Caller: Yeah, I'm having trouble breathing. I'm all out of breath. Darn....I think I'm going to pass out.
Dispatcher: Sir, where are you calling from?
Caller: I'm at a pay phone. North and Foster.
Dispatcher: ! Sir, an ambulance is on the way. Are you an asthmatic?
Caller: No
Dispatcher: What were you doing before you started having trouble breathing?
Caller: Running from the Police.

 

[traumateam1]

LOL!!! Those are great!!

 

[Buzz]

Well two things:
First - I wasn't judging at all, just wondering. I don't judge usually and this is one of the times that I was not judging.
Second - The post wasn't ment to sound condescending, I don't know why you took it that way, I was just surpirsed that it took 30 minutes for a high prioirty call. So no need to be "quick to judge" here.

Obviously I know there not gonna set up a fire hall for 3 houses spaced a few miles apart. I was just surprised at how long it took.

Anyways sorry to Buzz if my post sounded judgmental or condescending, because it was neither.
Take care!

Eh, I didn't find that post to be at all condescending. I thought that a 30 minute lights and sirens response sounded a little weird too considering that this isn't the boonies, which is why we called into the station to make sure they knew we were so far away.






Partner: So ________ isn't on the dialysis board anymore...
Dispatcher: *looks at board with quizical look on his face for a few seconds* He probably died.

I found that funny for some reason...

 

[Melanie77]

That is so funny

 

[Buzz]

Radio starts making all sorts of weird noises, then dispatcher comes on...

I grab the radio and reply..

Dispatcher: "Uh.. crap... I hit a button and needed to make sure the radios still worked."

 

[emtsteve87]

D:KDP395 to all Ischua Ambulance recievers, BLS-EMS ambulance requested to *** Wheat Rd for a 65 year old man who cannot get it up.
A: Ischua 8 to KDP395, nature of the call again?
D: 65 year old man who cannot get it up
A: Ischua 8 5-9 to man who cannot get IT up
D: 10-4 Ischua 8

(while enroute)

D: Uhhhh Ischua 8, correction: your patient fell off a two story building and possibly broke his back, he cannot get up.
A: 10-4 KDP395, expediting our response.

 

[Sasha]

Hehe! Backstory:
Sunday I was sleeping on the 24 hour shift, in the wee hours of the morning, I suddenly woke, grabbed the nextel (what we use to dispatch on the 24 hour shift.) and spoke into it, telling the dispatcher to go ahead.
Dispatcher said he hadnt signaled us, go back to sleep.
So I told him sorry, I must be hallucinating, and went back to bed.

So today said dispatcher was working, I put us into service and over the radio my dispatcher was all:

Good morning Sasha. Lovely day, isnt it? Have any more hallucinations?

Jerk

 

[Tincanfireman]

Work this job long enough and it will happen to you. I have awakened, dressed, driven code three to the (closed, locked, silent) station and put the truck in service.

Dispatch- "Uh, *** call dispatch, extension 1234"

(Call dispatch) "We didn't tone you; how was the rest of the dream?" *snickers*

Ya can't hate them; it's their 3am too...

 

[Grady_emt]

Yep, guilty of that one as well. We are dispatched on 1 channel and switch to channel 2 for case info and further.

Some O-dark-30 in the morning midway into a 36 hour shift because of an ice storm. I was having a deep thought(read as dream) session. Thought we got a call, switched to channel 2 and asked the dispatcher to signal 5(repeat) the address. She oh so kindly responded "62, return to channel 1 and your previous status with Sugarplum Fairies and Ginger Bread Houses"

 

[Buzz]

Extremely slow night, we got sent out to someone in respiratory distress at 0300. We get the patient packaged and I grab the radio to contact the hospital and this happens:

Me: HEMS radio. HEMS radio. This is Bravo _____ how do you copy?

HEMS Operator: HEMS copies. Go ahead Bravo.

Me: Priority 3 traffic to Henry Ford Fairlane.

HEMS Operator: Come in Botsford.. (another hospital not even remotely in the same area)

Me: HEMS, the call was to HENRY FORD FAIRLANE

Botsford: Bostford online.

HEMS Operator: I have Bravo____ with priority 3 traffic. Go ahead Bravo.

Me: HEMS, We we requested Fairlane.

HEMS Operator: Damn... crap.. *uncontrollable laughing* Botsford, please disregard that. (almost impossible to understand) HEMS calling Fairlane.



My patient was looking at me like "WTF is going on?" It was late or really early. I think that HEMS operator must have been half asleep.

 

[Hannah.911]

Dispatch

The hx behind this, was that the dispatcher had just been laid off the previous day, and was required to finish out her two weeks....and was none too happy about it. (Location Atlanta, GA)



Truck: Dispatch, we're 10-8.
Dispatch: 10-4, Please post at 2354 Road Runner Ave Albuquerque, New Mexico.
Truck: :blink: Uh.....repeat?
Dispatch: Please post in New Mexico.
Truck: .....*silence*......10-4 Dispatch.

 

[Shishkabob]

From my clinical time;

Dispatch- Medic 63
M63- Go ahead
D- You have a priority 3 call, a severely dead patient.

 

[guamie]

ambulance 1: Ambulance 1 to ambulance 2. What is the status of your unit?
Ambulance 2: Ambulance 2 to ambulance 1. My unit is back in service.

hahahahahahahahahahahhahahahah

 

[TransportJockey]

The hx behind this, was that the dispatcher had just been laid off the previous day, and was required to finish out her two weeks....and was none too happy about it. (Location Atlanta, GA)



Truck: Dispatch, we're 10-8.
Dispatch: 10-4, Please post at 2354 Road Runner Ave Albuquerque, New Mexico.
Truck: :blink: Uh.....repeat?
Dispatch: Please post in New Mexico.
Truck: .....*silence*......10-4 Dispatch.

I think I've staged there

 

[HasTy]

So I was being an extreme scanner buff...almost said something else anyway... so my story was not even a call being dispatched...I hear the :censored: :censored: :censored: :censored: son of a :censored: stole my credit card refused to pay his child support to me and then he didnt pay for the hotel room....we hear "ECC from Bat 12: you have an open mike" then you hear a bunch of rustling oh :censored: click....

 

[Aidey]

I have two good ones


Fire department was toned out code for a MVA, unknown injuries, unknown entrapment. I think the dispatcher must has been on the phone and radio at the same time and not paying attention to what she was saying.

Ambulance: Dispatch, this is Unit 123 do you have an update?
Silence....
Ambulance: Dispatch, this is Unit 123 do you have an update?
Pause
Dispatch: We're online with the caller now........Caller states he didn't see it happen.......two vehicles........he states it's a big a$$ wreck.....
Pause
Ambulance: Umm, copy dispatch, big a$$ wreck!


This one is from a wildland fire I was working. They were very paranoid about this fire getting out of control so they stuck 150 of us in the middle of a swamp for 2 weeks, and it rained the whole time.

The other medic and I were putting in our supply order, and as a joke we added to the bottom a special request, not expecting the supply manager to actually read it over the radio, but my guess is that she was reading it, without actually comprehending it.

Supply : 1 each blah, 5 each blah, 3 each blah
Dispatch : Copy 1 each blah, 5 each blah, 3 each blah.
Supply: 150 each life jackets, 2 each of every animal.....
Dispatch..........................*hysterical laughter*

(at this point supply is glaring at the other medic and I)

Dispatch: (with more hysterical laughter in the background) So, I take it you guys are getting a little rain out there?