Coming back to EMS, after being asked to leave? opinons wanted..

[PsychMedic]

Hello everyone,
First off I would like to thank you for reading my post and responding if you are so inclined. I ask anyone who reads this to please comment as I really needs some brutally honest opinions and advice.

Background:
I became a Paramedic in 2005, graduated near the top of my class and transferred easily and into ALS patient care after being an EMT-B for 6 years. I was well know in my community and county as a solid EMT and maintained that reputation as a medic.

After about a year and a half being a Medic, my life began to collapse around me. The stress of working 3-24's and a 12 per week began to wear me down and burn me out. I had begun having problems with my wife and drinking heavily.

Let me say that I NEVER drank or was under the influence at work, however I did have 2 run ins with law enforcement while intoxicated within the same month. Once at a local club where I was involved in a fight with another patron, resulting in me being taking to the county jail for public intox (no charges filed) and once while during a argument my wife hit me with a cookie jar and I physically removed it from her( resulting in an arrest for misdemeanor domestic violence, with all charges dismissed). I proceeded to follow all of this up with an affair with my partner/dispatcher that my wife found out about.

I ended up being involved in a "excessive use of force" with a patient, who was a 6ft 6in 150kg Heroin OD with decreased RR, and upon giving him 4mg of Narcan, literally like in the movies woke up and attempted to beat the hell out of me. after our wrestling match in the back of the rig once I restrained the patient, I lost my cool, during the fight he had roughed me up pretty badly and for some insane reason I calculated that I should shave off one of his eyebrows to get back at him I guess?

1 week later I was called in while on shift to find 2 investigators from county EMS and 1 from state EMS. I was asked about my drinking problem which I readily admitted that I had and about the incident with the patient.

My state and county license was placed on temporary suspension pending further investigation and ultimately I was offered to voluntarily forfeit my license with the option to reinstate after 2 years or have state EMS revoke it.
This all occured in the latter part of 2006

Current:
Since then I have seriously gotten my life in order. My wife and I celebrated our 7 year wedding anniversary last week, we have a 2.5 yr old son and 1 on the way.

I have kicked alcohol out of my life and have maintained a sober lifestyle for almost 4 years.

I have had no run ins with the law since the aforementioned episode.

I attended a voluntary 10 week Anger management course.

I enrolled in school and am working on my undergrad in Psychology, with the intent to become a Educational Psychologist.

My biggest problem is that EMS (as most can understand) was my life, all of my friends are in EMS, and it is the only job I have done since I was 18.

No matter what I do I can not seem to find my grove in a different work field, I was a Correctional officer for 9 months and it just wasn't for me, I working in a Trauma center OR as an Anesthesia tech until I was laid off and I work for a Confined space rescue and safety company for over a year. None of it "felt right" Its been 3 years and everyday multiple times a day I reflect on my poor judgment and decisions.

All I want is to be in EMS again,
I have been unemployed for 7 months now and can't get through a job interview without the HR person telling me I am overqualified or under certified for even menial hospital jobs and I have no experience with anything else

I enrolled in a community college EMT-B program that starts Monday and my instructor and former supervisor pointed out to me that I am still eligible for "Re-entry" with NREMT,which he suggested that I do and become a medic again. This just made me excited,scared,stressed and reflect even more.

State EMS said that I have fulfilled the forfeiture of my license and am eligible to become a medic again in the state providing I fulfill NREMT's requirements.

I want this so bad I can't think straight,

I just would like some opinions of my fellow EMS brothers and sisters about what I should do.

What are the odds I can pass the NREMT cognitive and psychomotor exams after being out of the field for 3 years.

Will I even have a chance at employment with my background.

Please feel free to say or comment about any of this, or add other concerns that I may have forgotten.

Thank you for your time, Sorry about the long read.

JD

 

[mgr22]

I'm no expert, but I'm wondering what the chances are you'll have a relapse if you put yourself back in that same stressful environment that led to the problems you had before.

 

[Sasha]

First, congratulations on getting your life in order!

Second, you asked, so I will be totally honest with you, and in advance, if I come across as crotchity I apologize, that was not the intended tone.

I see a couple problems... You say you have changed, but you have proven yourself unworthy of the trust a patient would put in the paramedic by taking vengence for a condition that the medication you adminstered caused. Even if it hadn't, you didn't simply wrestle the patients in restraints, you chose to humiliate him by shaving off an eyebrow.

Given the vulnerable state we often find our patients in, I don't feel this is a "three strike" kind of thing. To me, you violate it once, and you are out. I would not trust you to take care of a loved one or myself given your history. By no means am I perfect, but the moment I harm or humiliate the patient in malice, would be the moment I called it quits from EMS for good.

Another, you will be entering the same enviorment that stressed you out so badly, You say you have changed, but has that been tested under stress?

Obviously the state feels differently if they would allow you to get licensed again, and i'm sure there are some services that would hire you, probably not ideal services but something to get your foot in the door.

Again, congratulations on getting your life in order, that is impressive, and I sincerely wish you the best of luck.

 

[mcdonl]

That was a lot to get off your chest. Good going on kicking your daemons.

 

[Vinceh]

As a business owner and operator who hires and interviews my feedback may or may not be embraced. First I have just only passed my EMT Basic and just passed NREMT to be clear. Having said that, your biggest hurdle will be tough interview questions.

"What makes you think you won't do the same thing when you get burnt out?

What makes you think you won't get burnt out?

What makes you think you can handles the stress better now?

You implied that you drank cause of the job, what makes you think you wont drink again when you get back on the job?

These are tough questions that I would want answers to. My advice is that because your passion is still there, you have to address these types of questions and be honest with yourself and the company you are interviewing with. I will give you some advice, take it or leave it, find out or seek a book or class on "VERBAL JUDO" this will help you tremendously.

You might want to do some additional volunteer work at a public poloce station for events, get some references from law enforcement personel. This will help you accomplish your goals.

I wish you the best my friend. Good luck-

Vince

 

[8jimi8]

Do you still live in the same community? This is probably a question to ask your former employer. Do you have a sponsor who can attest to your sobriety?

I am always willing to hear out a plea from someone who can be brutally honest, which seems to me, that you are. It might be that you won't be able to get the same job you had before, but as long as you can maintain your life without setting yourself up for burnout, drug abuse, infidelity or…


The worst. You abused a patient. You practiced bad medicine and as a result of your poor decision making, a patient was abused.

It seems to me that the state is behind you. Can you find a job? Can you maintain your life?


My final question, why not go work in a pysch position? If you are going to get a phd in psych, what does that have to do with EMS?

Good luck in your reflections and decisions

 

[emtstudent04]

I commend you on fixing your self volunteerly because im sure as we all know addictions are hard to break and there is that chance that this line of work could possibly take you to that breaking point again and you relapse. I hope that if you do get back into this line of work that you continue to get help in dealing with all the stress factors that come into play. A firefighter once told me that this profession takes many sacrifices with your own life. Having a wife, GF, Fiance who understands that this is your dream is always a good support line and makes it easier on you. To me if you have learned from your mistakes in your past and you have become a better person because of it and you get the help you need even while getting back into the game then i wish you the best of luck. Im sure you know that getting back to work with a company there will be some obstacles you will have to fight with with your history but just do whatever it takes to get back to where you want to be. It might just take you awhile but eventually you will get there.

Good Luck!

 

[NJnewbie]

It's great you have gotten your life back on track, but are you sure you're ready for the stress of EMS again? Did you receive any counseling other than the anger management? I think you should do some volunteer EMT work on a local squad just to get your feet wet again and see how you do before you start applying to paid positions again. And as someone else pointed out, if you are going into psych, then why get involved with EMS again? I have a BA in psych that I've never used because to do anything with psych, you need to have at least a masters. Are you committed to doing that and can you afford it? I never got a masters because I couldn't afford it and ended up doing something completely different (which actually turned out for the best).

I think you need to figure out which path you want to take (EMS or psych) and do whatever you need to do to get yourself there. Or you could pursue psych and do EMS part-time and/or volunteer. That would be a way of doing both and maybe a PT EMS career wouldn't be as stressful.

 

[akflightmedic]

No need to echo what the others have said, they are spot on.

I will say two things:

1. Why enter an environment which may break what you have worked so hard to fix?

2. Re read this and you will see it is all me, me, me....

You have a wife to think about, a young one and another one on the way. It is not about you or what you want...it is about what is best for all involved and that may include you sacrificing your wants.

 

[firetender]

You've handled the brutal honesty part quite well

I really needs some brutally honest opinions and advice.

After about a year and a half being a Medic, my life began to collapse around me. The stress of working 3-24's and a 12 per week began to wear me down and burn me out.

There will be no change in the stress you encounter if you re-enter the field. For clarity's sake, without a doubt and by your own admission YOU BURNED OUT! You didn't get close, you got immolated. And then...

I proceeded to follow all of this up with an affair with my partner/dispatcher that my wife found out about.

I ended up being involved in a "excessive use of force" with a patient... I calculated that I should shave off one of his eyebrows to get back at him I guess?

...for good measure you added some gasoline to the fire. Could it be a choice like that was made to accelerate your exit and close and lock the door behind you? You may not have been rational, but you weren't crazy.

You were talking willful acts with self-destruction written all over them. By that point, I don't know how much clearer it could be that you wanted OUT, and at any cost! Those acts were about self-preservation.

I was offered to voluntarily forfeit my license with the option to reinstate after 2 years or have state EMS revoke it.

That's a shame; the State should have known better than to offer you the option to burn out twice. What were they thinking?

I enrolled in school and am working on my undergrad in Psychology, with the intent to become a Educational Psychologist.

Here is a direction that you've chosen that makes sense. That sounds like a career path. Spend a little more time here and you'll see that the only path you'll get back on in EMS is toward more burnout.

My biggest problem is that EMS (as most can understand) was my life, all of my friends are in EMS, and it is the only job I have done since I was 18.

everyday multiple times a day I reflect on my poor judgment and decisions.

All I want is to be in EMS again,

Sorry, Braddah, but all I hear is wounded ego; missing the camaraderie in the trenches; and remorse for choices that turned your life into a more sustainable direction for you and your family. Can you see that staying in the field was KILLING you?

I have been unemployed for 7 months now

...here's the raw truth; you're freaking out and grasping for the familiar.

I am still eligible for "Re-entry" with NREMT,which he suggested that I do and become a medic again. This just made me excited,scared,stressed and reflect even more.

I want this so bad I can't think straight,

And that is where I have to say, "Faggeddahboudit!" and it's not because you're freaking out contemplating the POSSIBILITY, not even the reality! It's for one reason and one reason only...not ONCE have you mentioned the desire to do what you have to do to get back into the the work of caring for other human beings.

Any other motivation and you're BSing yourself. I believe you already know the answer, but thanks for checking in, anyway. And best of fortune with future choices!

 

[firecoins]

I want this so bad I can't think straight,

JD

There is your answer. Do it.

 

[abckidsmom]

There is your answer. Do it.

Cause if you want it, you deserve it? Gimme a break. I want it so bad I can't even think straight too, but I have a job to do for my family that necessitates me NOT being in EMS full time. I agree with firetender. Getting overly rough when fighting with a combative patient is one thing, administering a double-the-standard-dose of narcan and then shaving the eyebrow off of the patient is ridiculous.

Sorry, man. I think you should stay out of EMS.

If you do go back into it, you really need to make sure you're in a kinder, gentler system with close supervision. For your safety and for that of your patients. If you ever encounter an allegation made by a patient, you will be fried.

 

[firecoins]

Cause if you want it, you deserve it? I want it so bad I can't even think straight too, but I have a job to do for my family that necessitates me NOT being in EMS full time.

So its okay if he does EMS part time? Yes, we only do things we deserve as dictated by other people. Right.


If you feel ready to come back, than do it. If you feel it would drive you right back to drinking and violent burned out behavior, don't do it.

 

[Trayos]

I would suggest throwing yourself into a standoffish environment: maybe take part in a lot of ridealongs, training, simulations, etc. Once you see how you react to that stimulus, you'll be much more prepared to make your final choice.
Best of luck, in whatever you choose to do.

 

[Seaglass]

If you have the money, I'd see a psychologist about the initial question and (if you go through with it) during the first several months of being back. They're better equipped to talk you through why you want it, and help you evaluate whether you can actually handle it.

And as someone else pointed out, if you are going into psych, then why get involved with EMS again?

I can think of some ways to combine educational psych and EMS, but they're all pretty specialized. Why do you want it? Or is EMS just your favorite way to pay tuition?

If you do, I'd also recommend volunteering somewhere with less stress before jumping back in, just to see how it goes. Event standby might be a good way to start, or even just running one night a week with a vollie squad. I'd also make sure you're being honest to yourself about how well you're handling it. It sounds like it took a lot to have you figure out how bad it was the first time around.

Edit: Working in a psych facility or school while you get through school could also be worth looking into.

Another question: you said you've thought a lot about your poor judgment. Have you thought about that patient, forgiven, or gained any more sympathy for him? Do you understand why he attacked you? Self-control and detachment only goes so far, and your patients will test it again. If you don't feel compassion for hard cases on a pretty deep level, I don't think they'll work alone.

 

[Veneficus]

I agree with firetender

I think he said it best and there isn't much more I can add, but would like to try anyway.

EMS itself can be like a drug.

"ad·dic·tion   /əˈdɪkʃən/ Show Spelled[uh-dik-shuhn]
–noun
the state of being enslaved to a habit or practice or to something that is psychologically or physically habit-forming, as narcotics, to such an extent that its cessation causes severe trauma."

or a more medically oriented definition:

"Addiction is an uncontrollable compulsion to repeat a behavior regardless of its negative consequences."


It sounds like you are going through some tough times. I think that returning to EMS for you would be like a reformed cocaine abuser reasoning that starting a lesser potent stimulant would somehow not result in the same destruction as before.

I am not the defender of the true EMS faith and I am pro rehabilitation and redemption. But I don't think the underlying issue is poor patient care, I think that is just a manifestation of destructive stress outlet no different from drinking, hypersexuality, or any other symptom of psychosis.

You made it out, you turned your life around, don't look back, don't go back, as hard as it sounds, move forward in another direction.

Good luck.