death

[bled12345]

When a patient dies, a family member dies, a friend dies. In the EMS field we deal with death alot.

Death, what does it mean to you? How do you rationalize it, how do you cope with it, and most importantly how do you heal from it.

 

[rmellish]

I look at most death as an extension of life. For the most part its natural, and it occurs for everyone.

Without seeming too removed, I, sadly enough it seems, revert to a fight club quote: "On a long enough time line, the survival rate for everyone drops to zero."

Everyone will die sometime. Unfortunately for many it will be much sooner than they want. For many others it may be much later than they want. I try to distance myself enough to care professionally without being involved personally but in all honesty I remember nearly death I've witnessed. It still hurts a little when a well known patient passes on. It's stressful, but I always find someone to talk about it with.

 

[Guardian]

When a patient dies, a family member dies, a friend dies. In the EMS field we deal with death alot.

Death, what does it mean to you? How do you rationalize it, how do you cope with it, and most importantly how do you heal from it.

I'm not sure what it means to me. I can't really rationalize it, but then again I can't really rationalize anything. Coping and healing are really beyond me too. All I know, is that with time, I thus far have ended up coping and healing.

To try and get a grip on the subject, you can take everyone's advice and read a self help book by Elis Kubler-Ross. That should help you with the basics but will ultimately leave you unsatisfied.

You can also do what people have done over the ages and turn to Christianity, Judaism, Islam, Buddhism, Hinduism, Taoism, Scientology, etc. Take your pick. All equally worthless. Then again, if you have been brainwashed early enough, they may be of some use.

You might try the greatest piece of literature ever written, which is of course Hamlet by Shakespeare. You won't get any answers here either, but at least you won't feel alone anymore. You can take comfort in knowing Shakespeare has grappled with these problems too. Good luck, and if you make any headway past Shakespeare, do all of humanity a favor and let us know about it!

 

[ErinCooley]

To ME? A new beginning because I believe in Heaven and Hell. I HAVE to rationalize it like that because I am dealing with the death of my 3 year old little girl. I think I may have gone over the cliff if I didnt believe that she is happy in Heaven with her Grandma and little rabbit, Pete. I've only dealt with the death of people way before their time... Caroline, an 18 year old kid ejected and a 29 year old with Hodgkins and I can only believe that there was a reason for God to take these babies, but I will never understand why. I heal by helping others and not getting too personal with the calls...

I don't know, I should probably reanswer this in a year.

 

[Katie]

first off erin i'm so sorry for your loss...


death is part of "life" as said above. some of my earliest memories are death of family members. ems aside there have been a lot of people close to me personally who have died. but i think that death in general and the response to it has more to do with how it occurs than the fact that it does occur. there's a big difference between watching someone close to you slowly die an agonizing death of disease way before their time, and the old man who died in his sleep on the sailboat he loved.

dealing with it i think everyone has their way. sometimes it's as simple as giving myself permission to be sad, keeping a journal (which i do anyhow). friends can make a big difference too. but each person will deal a little differently.

i've given up trying to rationalize death. sometimes there just aren't good reasons for why things are how they are, i just have to accept it.

 

[BossyCow]

Hey.. none of us get out of here alive!

Personally I have lost both parents, two sets of grandparents, a brother, a child and countless friends and there will probably be more before its my turn.

Personally, I believe there is a spiritual aspect to our existance. I believe that aspect is immortal. I believe that spirit is what connects us to our fellow human beings and that this connection is truly the only thing that matters in our lives here.

Grief sucks, there's no way around it. When you are emotionally connected to someone who dies, there is a deeply emotional and physical reaction to that loss. Dealing with those emotions needs to be done through the process you have chosen as your spiritual practice. If you are not of the belief that there is a spiritual side to our humanity, I would imagine the process to be a lot less effective, but I may be wrong.

I have found that with time, those I have 'lost' have been 'found' again. I am able to access the memories of who they were to me in this life without the pain of absence but with the joy of rememberance.

As far as on calls, I have had very few deaths that affected me emotionally, but there have been some. Generally an emotional reaction to a call is due to my forgetting the humility that we all need when facing the fact of mortality.

That old serenity prayer has a lot of truth in it.. we change what we can, accept what we can't change and need wisdom to know the difference between the two.

 

[MSDeltaFlt]

When a patient dies, a family member dies, a friend dies. In the EMS field we deal with death alot.

Death, what does it mean to you? How do you rationalize it, how do you cope with it, and most importantly how do you heal from it.

Death is a part of life; not necessarily the end of life. Death is the end of life ONLY if that life had no meaning/purpose.

 

[Ridryder911]

"Death is the final stage of living." Elizabeth Kubler Ross....


Personally, I have my Christianity background to fall back upon. There is no dispute, that it is a beginning of new life (be it good or bad). Even scientifically, one has to recognize that energy cannot be dissolved only transformed into another form.

Personally, due to my views I feel a brief sadness for those that did not have their personal affairs in order, but that is their own doing, if the had been informed. Everyone is responsible for their own demise.

I see death, even more than most medics. People dying in ER, ICU, CCU, and hospice. It is a part of life. Alike everything it can be a blessing, tragedy, new adventure.

The sadness is reserved for those that are grieving. Inappropriate sadness is not celebrating the lives of those that lived, and truly they continue to live as long as they are in the hearts and memories of those that loved them.

R/r 911

 

[CFRBryan347768]

This is something about myself that i personally do not understand. When a family member dies it is one thing, but when we lose a pt in the ambulance or in the ER I feel nothing, I give support to my crew but its almost like I dont feel what they feel? Is there something wrong that a person dying doesnt bother me? Or is it because I feel content that what I did was 100%?

 

[firecoins]

I am aethist. Death is the end until proven otherwise and we all die. My answer to this is live as much as possible now.

 

[Jeremy89]

To me, death is merely the end of life on earth. I am Catholic and believe in eternal life, but also in the possibility of Hell. A person can choose either by the way they live their lives. That's why, when someone mistreats me, I just brush it off because I believe they will have to account for that before God Himself.

Not to turn this into a religion debate, but I have talked to many people who don't believe in God. To me, why would you take the chance? If you don't believe and are wrong, then you've got an entire life of sins to account for. However, if you believe in a God and are wrong, then so what, you 'poof' out of existence. So by believing, what do you have to lose?

In regards to dealing with death, I find it hard to console someone. Yes, you can say "I'm sorry for your loss" but does that really make the person feel any better? I prefer silence with a reassuring touch if appropriate.

Some food for thought...

 

[firetender]

I said this before in another thread, but I think it deserves a repeat. The other thread led you to a web site where you could view all these ghastly photos of people who had killed themselves; a catalogue, if you will, of dead bodies, each with a description of the mechanism of action.

At first (having been out of the field for a good 20 years), I anticipated being grossed out. No, my stomach ain't as strong for this ca-ca as it once was.

But once I did take a look, I kept flipping through the pages and categories until I remembered what it was like for me in the field.

The fact is, having been exposed to death in one form or another for twelve years, the overriding wonder of it for me was how clear it became (and remained) that without needing an answer of what or why it simply was a fact that the body, in death, was nothing more than a shell whose essence had left it.

It hardly matters where the essence goes, the important thing for me was it's NOT the body, and that, it seems, was enough for me to carry on.

It's not so much the insult of death as it is the wonder that we live at all. Stick with the wonder, it takes you places where death can't disturb you.

 

[BossyCow]

I believe that the "sorry for you loss" and an accompanying touch, or hug if you are the huggy type is all that is needed from us on a scene where a death has occurred. I think that its so personal and intimate, that for me to insert myself into their grief process feels instrusive. Of course every situation is different and needs to be handled based on the apparent needs of those involved. But, my default position is to be professional, comforting and efficient without going overboard on the touch-feely stuff.

I've seen others with different approaches that work well for them, but if I were to try to behave like them, without having it come from my heart genuinely, it would feel forced and insincere. So, do what is comfortable for you and what you feel the family needs at that time.

 

[Guardian]

I am aethist. Death is the end until proven otherwise and we all die. My answer to this is live as much as possible now.

Are you really an atheist? You say until proven otherwise, leaving yourself open to the option. Wouldn't that make you an agnostic like me? I personally think atheism is just as narrow minded as believing in a religion.

 

[Jeremy89]

Are you really an atheist? You say until proven otherwise, leaving yourself open to the option. Wouldn't that make you an agnostic like me? I personally think atheism is just as narrow minded as believing in a religion.

I don't see how religion is narrow minded... In fact, I agree that atheism is narrow minded - see my post above. I believe in God and don't see why anyone would take a chance by not believing.

Take it easy,

 

[Guardian]

Not to turn this into a religion debate, but I have talked to many people who don't believe in God. To me, why would you take the chance? If you don't believe and are wrong, then you've got an entire life of sins to account for. However, if you believe in a God and are wrong, then so what, you 'poof' out of existence. So by believing, what do you have to lose?

If you've studied philosophy, that's the classic Pascal's Wager. There is a lot of criticism against it, just do a little research if you are interested.

As far as some personal views, I believe in intellectual honesty. If my intellect is questioning something and I ignore it, then I'm not being truthful with myself. Plus, if there is some doubt left in the deepest recesses of my brain, then I can't really claim to believe in god now can I?

 

[ffemt8978]

Take the religious discussion elsewhere, please.

 

[eggshen]

Philosophy....that so explains Gaurdian. There you have it.

I know we might be discouraged from discussing religion, I get this. Can we talk about Gaurdian for a bit though? Someone really needs to.

Egg

 

[Jon]

Egg....

It is late at night, so I'm not sure what you are getting at.


PLEASE... if you want to talk religion... use the Private Message feature to discuss it... because religion is a hot-button topic that isn't really EMS related... if we are going to get into fights here, lets do it over EMS stuff, please

G'night everyone!

Jon

 

[firecoins]

Are you really an atheist? You say until proven otherwise, leaving yourself open to the option. Wouldn't that make you an agnostic like me? I personally think atheism is just as narrow minded as believing in a religion.

Yes. I am really aethist. If you wish to get into details, we can PM.