Being an EMT and married

chillyFF

chillyFF

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All right I'm new to this site. Just curious to get adviced from the the "older guys". I just got married a couple of months ago to an artist. So in other words she has no true understanding of EMS. I guess in short anyone who is married knows what I'm trying to say and knows the frustration of trying to be a family man, EMT, and medic student. Any adviced welcomed.
 
When I approached my advisor about going on to become a Medic, he said "EMS stands for Every Marriage Suffers." He said that often spouses don't want to hear about stories of how you cleared a stoma today, or how you couldn't save that baby, because it's too hard on them. So, you find someone that will listen. I got the feeling that he spoke from experience.

But everyone is different. You have to find what works for you.
 
Not sure if I qualify as an "Older Guy", I'm 27 and recently married. She understood my crazy work schedules back when we first started dating. Even once we got married we actually only got about two nights a week home together. Her schedule is more hectic that mine lol (She's supervisor in a home health service that tends to non-elderly with physical/mental handicaps that live outside of group homes)

Before I even began the application process for Medic school, I explained everything to her.....How much I wanted to do this, How much my student loan will be, How I'll be spending a butt-load in gas driving to/from a school that is an hour one-way, How long the program is, and how I'll have to do ~700hours of clinicals and once those begin I would have to cut back on my shifts and use that time for clinicals so it might not make a huge difference in "Our" time but we might feel the punch in the wallet.

I'm in the clinical phase now and it really isnt interfering much with spending time together. I'm not falling behind in clinical hours, and I'm actually not having a problem getting my required contacts/procedures. We are feeling it a bit in the bank account but she's working a little extra when she can for some extra cash.

Come spring when I'm done, we will switch places. I will work a little extra while she cuts back so she can go to nursing school
 
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Not a family "man" but I've been married 14 years, been an EMT for a while, and am a chronic student, so maybe I qualify.
Students are annoying.
I don't care what you are taking classes in, you are annoying to friends, family and spouses.
Gain some perspective, and stop bringing school home with you. Be the person she married, (interested in her, doing things with her, and what she did today.)

So she has no true understanding of EMS. Big deal. You probably have no true understanding of art.

I know you are investing in your future by being a medic student, but you need to invest in your marriage as well. You do have time to do both, even though it may not seem like it. Take the time, do more than your fair share, and when you get old and rundown from the stress, she'll take care of you instead of shuffling you off to a second rate nursing home and blowing your pension at the track.
 
Its illegal in most states but there are some activists outthere marching for the right. Someday. Someday.
 
firecoins said:
Its illegal in most states but there are some activists outthere marching for the right. Someday. Someday.
Click to expand...

Hopefully some day im still alive to see! <3
 
Well I guess I may be lucky when it comes to that, even though I am only a student my husband is very supportive of what I want to do and he also encourges me and helps me study and quizes me. After emt-b it will be fire acadamy then medic school. He understands the give and take. He is also a military man so when he is home great when he is not it sucks, but see we have great communication and thats one of the most important factors, if you lose that well your screwed.
 
I"m engaged to another EMT who will be entering medic school a semester after me. It doesn't seem too much better if your signifigant other is involved in the career.
 
How'd your SO take it

I talked to my fiance tonight about wanting to do an EMT class and she acted less than thrilled about it. She didn't outright say that she didn't want me to do it but also acted like she'd rather I didn't. I'm sure we'll talk about it more at some point in the next couple of days but I'm not really sure how she's taking it. At any rate, I was just wondering if anyone had been or is in my boat. How did your significant other react when you told them you wanted to be an EMT/medic?
 
This is kind of discussed in another active thread:
http://emtlife.com/showthread.php?t=9665



Here is my post from it, I believe it applies here:

stephenrb81 said:
Not sure if I qualify as an "Older Guy", I'm 27 and recently married. She understood my crazy work schedules back when we first started dating. Even once we got married we actually only got about two nights a week home together. Her schedule is more hectic that mine lol (She's supervisor in a home health service that tends to non-elderly with physical/mental handicaps that live outside of group homes)

Before I even began the application process for Medic school, I explained everything to her.....How much I wanted to do this, How much my student loan will be, How I'll be spending a butt-load in gas driving to/from a school that is an hour one-way, How long the program is, and how I'll have to do ~700hours of clinicals and once those begin I would have to cut back on my shifts and use that time for clinicals so it might not make a huge difference in "Our" time but we might feel the punch in the wallet.

I'm in the clinical phase now and it really isnt interfering much with spending time together. I'm not falling behind in clinical hours, and I'm actually not having a problem getting my required contacts/procedures. We are feeling it a bit in the bank account but she's working a little extra when she can for some extra cash.

Come spring when I'm done, we will switch places. I will work a little extra while she cuts back so she can go to nursing school
Click to expand...
 
Oops

Oh, sorry I didn't see the other thread. :-)
 
First off, I'm female.

My husband is a teacher, with no true understanding of EMS (but, god what a whacker anyway :p). The schedule bothers him, and when I enter medic school, he'll have the same issues with lack of time together. But, we talk, a lot, on my days off. I work nights, but on my days off, I spend as much time with him as possible. I do NOT talk about work, unless he asks. It's give and take, and you'll have to give a bit more, and take a bit less.
 
I was just a little frustrated with things when I posted, so I appreciate the different view points
 
This thread is relevant to my interests. Sorry that I didn't see it when I started a similar one in the lounge. At any rate, I'm appreciative of advice too. I talked to my fiance about doing a basic class and she seemed less than thrilled.
 
Well, Jon, what were her concerns? You're going to have to do your best to ally (grr, right spelling?) her fears.
 
Threads merged and moved to the Lounge.
 
Sapphyre said:
Well, Jon, what were her concerns? You're going to have to do your best to ally (grr, right spelling?) her fears.
Click to expand...

I'll have to get back to you on that; she hasn't really expressed specific concerns yet. Main thing was how she seemed to feel (attitude, etc.). I'm going to talk to her more about it tonight but I'm sure we all know what it is... "what will it do to our budget," "what about shifts," etc. Most of the agencies in the area work 24 on, 48 off so I'm sure she's concerned with time together not to mention money (I would actually make about the same as I do now based on what I've found out).
 
I'm just getting started in EMS, so can't comment on that. However, I've been involved in Marriage x2 for over 20 years. The second shift is going much better than the first, largely because I support her in what she wants to do and vice versa. If you give up something you want to do because of someone else, there will be resentment. period.

I'm just now getting started in EMS because it was one of the things I didn't do to keep the peace in marriage # 1.

Good luck to you, on both fronts.

tatersalad
 
Communication is important.

My wife doesn't understand EMS but knows how important it is to me. She has less problem with my paid gig that the vollie one.

If I am working, I try to call to talk to the kids (3 under 7y/o) before bedtime and find out about her day.

We also sit down with our schedules at the beginning of the month to determine when we have days off together and what we might do on those days.
 
Well, we talked last night and she doesn't seem as down on it as she did before. She now wants me to find out how much tuition and fees for the class will be, ride along time, etc. Her biggest concern is that I'll have to find a different job due to scheduling conflicts. Likely I could be a dispatcher so I'm thinking that will work out. Anyway, thanks for your advice and I will keep taking any that anyone would like to offer.

Jon
 
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