6 Life Saving Techniques From the Movies (That Can Kill You)

[LucidResq]

From a completely non-medical humor site.

Thought it was pretty funny and pretty accurate considering the authors are almost certainly laypersons....

About wedging things in a seizing person's mouth...

While we would all appreciate a good excuse to ram random objects into strangers' mouths, it turns out that it's medically impossible to swallow your own tongue. So all that stuff you did to help that seizing man in Wal-Mart was technically sexual assault.

Really, unless you are a trained EMT the only thing you should do is protect the victim's head and wait for the ambulance to arrive.

 

[katgrl2003]

I really like this response

so defib are really just the medical equivalent of the old "have you tried turning it off and on again?" tech support line?

-Kat

 

[TransportJockey]

I'm loving this line. Such vivid imagery, I can almost picture doing it

Without immediate medical attention, shooting someone in the leg can cause more blood loss than tossing a hemophiliac orphan through a plate glass window.

 

[katgrl2003]

^^ How did I miss that one?!

 

[Epi-do]

LOL! That's great!

 

[LucidResq]

Hahaha I missed that comment, brilliant!

 

[nemedic]

"...why are there chunks of ferret in this man's mouth?"

 

[nemedic]

"...tourniquet that stops the rampant blood flow and keeps the victim alive. If the victim is a blonde, your reward shall be boobies."

 

[Aprz]

So freak'n funny...

also...

"And trust us, no matter how perfectly sculpted your abs might be, causing a girl to lose a body part is pretty much the ultimate turn-off."

 

[medichopeful]

"...why are there chunks of ferret in this man's mouth?"

That one killed me lol

 

[johnrsemt]

this is so wrong, but so funny

 

[Steffah]

Freaking hilarious, and very true.

 

[usafmedic45]

Without immediate medical attention, shooting someone in the leg can cause more blood loss than tossing a hemophiliac orphan through a plate glass window.

Actually bleeding to death from an extremity injury below the knee or elbow is very rare. Nice visual though.

Also pretty much everything they say in the section on tourniquets is an utter load of crap. The rate of complications is so low as to be frankly non-existent. It's disgusting to see that outdated and patently incorrect information is still being put forth as fact. True, trying to improvise a tourniquet usually does not work but it's because you don't achieve sufficient force to staunch the bleeding. A nice review of the subject was published a couple of years back that looked at all of the evidence from ancient Greece and Rome through the date of publication (2007). Here's the high points:

- Emergency medical personnel, both civilian and military,
should be trained in and equipped for the proper use
of tourniquets; the focus of first aid training for civilian
populations should continue to deemphasize their use
and focus instead on early medical assistance and the use
of direct pressure to control hemorrhage.
- No patient should exsanguinate from an extremity
wound because of the hesitance of a medical professional
to utilize a tourniquet to control bleeding due to fear of
potential complications.
- In circumstances- such as combat (or the civilian equivalent
thereof), high risk of building collapse, fire, or
explosions- where expedient movement of the patient is
necessary for the safety of the patient and the caregivers,
the use of a tourniquet is appropriate to gain control of
life threatening hemorrhage
- The existence of a mass casualty incident may be an indication
for the use of tourniquets for temporary control of
hemorrhage while the situation is brought under control.
- The need for a tourniquet applied to allow movement of
a wounded person or during a mass casualty incident
should be reevaluated at the earliest possible time;
- The mere presence of an amputation with hemorrhage
does not necessitate the use of a tourniquet; most bleeding
from such injuries are controllable through use of
direct pressure, elevation and packing of the wound. If
these actions do not achieve hemostasis, then the use of a
tourniquet is indicated.

- Tourniquets may be placed proximal to the site of
uncontrollable bleeding around an impaled object; under
no circumstances should the tourniquet be applied over
the impaled object.
- Tourniquets should not be applied over joints, or over
clothing. It should also be at least 3–5 centimeters from
the wound margins. The rule of the thumb the author
used when teaching was to place it the width of the palm
of a hand proximal to the wound whenever possible, as
this provides an easy frame of reference.
- Any limb with an applied tourniquet should be fully
exposed with removal of all clothing, and the tourniquet
should never be covered with an form of bandage. The
patient should be clearly marked so as the presence of a
tourniquet will be know, along with the time it was
placed. It may also be advisable to instruct a conscious
patient to tell every medical provider they come in contact
with about the presence of a tourniquet.
- Continued bleeding (other than medullary oozing from
fracture bones) distal to the site of the tourniquet is a sign
of insufficient pressure and a need to tighten the tourniquet
further.
- A tourniquet should not be loosened in any patient with
obvious signs of shock, amputation that necessitated use
of such a device to control bleeding, recurrent hemorrhage
upon release of the tourniquet or any case where the
hemorrhage associated with the wound would be
expected to be uncontrollable by any other means.
- Any tourniquet that has been in place for more than six
hours should be left in place until arrival at a facility capable
of definitive care.

 

[LucidResq]

I was just waiting for someone to crap all over this with "Actually.... science says..."

 

[usafmedic45]

Not trying to crap all over it...just didn't want the impressionable newbies and others on this site with educational deficits to believe that crap. Carry on....

 

[Veneficus]

"With this wonderful piece of modern medical technology, we are able to laugh in the face of death, then spit in it, make obscene phone calls to his wife three in the morning, steal his newspaper and :censored::censored::censored::censored: on his porch. With science."

I like this part the best, it could almost be a sig line.

(which I never use because my sarcastic biting humor would constantly get me banned on just about every internet forum)

 

[lightsandsirens5]

Actually bleeding to death from an extremity injury below the knee or elbow is very rare. Nice visual though.

Who said it was below the knee?

Lucid, hilarious link.....too many good ones to list a favorite.