Here's a thought...How do you date?

[traumagirl1029]

This is kind of a random question..but its comming from a female so what else would it be anyways...We've all been through it. We've all dated (or married) someone in the field..or out of the field..or both. Who do you prefer? Is it better to be with someone who knows what is involved with doing what you do or someone who has no clue? Me personally..haven't figured out which I like better yet. I've dated guys in the business, and now I'm with someone who wants nothing to do with EMS. He's patient with me...if we're out and I see an accident scene and I'm glued to the window like a little kid going 'I wonder if they BB/CC'd him yet' or 'slow the car down I wanna see what they're doing' better yet 'I could extricate better then that' lol..I'll ramble on about something this or EMS that and he'll listen. Its been good to be with someone thats not headfirst into the same job as me and it gives me a chance to really get away from it all sometimes. So...how bout ya'll?

 

[kyleybug]

I personally think it would be better to be with one of our own, sort of keep it in the family so to say. It makes the relationship deal a whole lot smoother because they understand when you say you have a 24hr shift and don't get out until hr 33. They just know and they know how you feel about what we see and do everyday of our life, whether we are on the truck or not we are still looking for someone that needs our help. My husband does not have a clue about the things I do and doesn't care most of the time. He is mostly concerned with the fact that I never get out when I am supposed to and doesn't care that someone may be alive because I chose to stay and take the call, I don't know about anny one else, I can't speak for them but for myself and my marriage I think it has been over for a while now and the only thing I can figure as to why I am still in it is because I just don't have time to get it over with...my love of my work won't let me take the time. If he could just understand that the job isn't about the money...God knows we don't make squat, the job is about what makes our hearts fulfilled and our lives complete. I feel like I can say that yes I have made a difference in this life and my life has meaning for it. I truly believe that is why I was put on this earth, to help those in need and I just can't help it if the pay and the hours suck. People don't choose to need us at 2 or 3 in the morning. I can only hope that when my turn comes I am treated as I treat my pts, with the utmost respect and preserve their dignity at all cost. So my vote is for the EMS guy, besides it is truly hot to work a code with someone you have feelings for oops did I write that :wacko:

 

[ffemt8978]

I'm sorry to hear about your situation Kyleybug, but I think you bring to light the single biggest problem with seeing people outside of our public safety subculture.

...does not have a clue about the things I do and doesn't care most of the time. He is mostly concerned with the fact that I never get out when I am supposed to and doesn't care that someone may be alive because I chose to stay and take the call

In a lot of these types of situations, the spouse brings things to a point where you are forced to choose between them and EMS. People outside of the public safety field (fire, EMS, law enforcement, and security) have difficulty understanding the dedication and sense of duty that we have towards our work because to them it is just a job. I've seen a few long term relationships where one person is not in public safety, but for the most part they don't seem to last past the 5 year mark.

 

[Luno]

Traumagirl, interesting question, however, in my situation, it's not that applicable, I guess. I just casually date, I've been in the relationship game, and figured out with myself, that I have no desire to share my life with one person for the rest of my life. I know that I already have what I think I want, (my daughters) and an extraordinarily busy life, and even relationships that are beyond casual, but not yet serious are too much of a time commitment. However for casual dating, it shouldn't matter if you're dating a "public servant" or otherwise, as the person should like you for you, and realize that what you do is a large part of you. But that's a perfect world.

 

[kyleybug]

Originally posted by ffemt8978@Nov 5 2004, 01:12 AM
I'm sorry to hear about your situation Kyleybug, but I think you bring to light the single biggest problem with seeing people outside of our public safety subculture.

...does not have a clue about the things I do and doesn't care most of the time. He is mostly concerned with the fact that I never get out when I am supposed to and doesn't care that someone may be alive because I chose to stay and take the call

In a lot of these types of situations, the spouse brings things to a point where you are forced to choose between them and EMS. People outside of the public safety field (fire, EMS, law enforcement, and security) have difficulty understanding the dedication and sense of duty that we have towards our work because to them it is just a job. I've seen a few long term relationships where one person is not in public safety, but for the most part they don't seem to last past the 5 year mark.

FFEMT8978
You are so right about that. I am dedicated to my job and to my daughter. I find that when I am off I only have time for her and that is what matters to me. He doesn't understand and he does think of it as a job, he has always been a 9 to 5 person. He has worked nuclear and you would think that might shed some light for him but I guess he still can't grasp the pay factor since he always made more than he should have for just being at the nuclear plant. I don't know how many times I have heard about his $5000 pay check just for being there and not doing anything, just being there incase he was needed. That is our situation totally only we are lucky if we get about 1/4 of his pay. They just don't have a clue it's NOT the pay it's the dedication and our own hearts that keep us doing it. You are right though he is the one that has driven us apart with his own selfish attitude and materialistic thinking. I think sometimes he is just jealous because I am so happy with my job and he knows that I love being at the station and will never leave them for him if they need me, I really think it is a power struggle and he will lose in the end he always does. My daughter on the other hand totally understands, she is an exact replica of her Mom, she also has an interst in EMS, I let her ride sometimes, it depends on the call because she is 12 and I don't want her to see everything just yet. She also would rather be at the station then home she is me made over She is already making plans to spend Thanksgiving there as I am on that day and no that didn't go over very well either! Oh well, I don't really care anymore at this point I have my life and I guess he has his.

 

[Lisa]

I couldn't imagine being with anyone that wasn't in the business. My husband has been around longer than me, so it makes it easier to talk to him and he understands. It is nice to work a bad MVA or code and be able to pick up the phone and talk about it. It helps us both stay sane ....so to speak.

P.S. I just found out we are expecting again Any thoughts or comments on working during a pregnancy???

 

[traumagirl1029]

It's been interesting to read the replys to this question..Kyleybug im so sorry about your marriage, having watched my parents and grandparents suffer falling apart marriages i do know how difficult it can be, and over the happiness of one spouse and the confustion or jealousy of the other, its just a real struggle. Lisa, congradulations on your pregnancy and i hope all goes well . I do very much believe that its easier and in many lights better to be with someone in the business, as most of you have stated, for the simple reasons that we are a breed set apart. Only the ones in all of this understand it, and to ask someone who doesn't to accept us as we come, may be next to impossible. I hope that everyone out there finds or has found what or who makes them happy and gives them the strength to continue doing what we all love.
take care ya'll

 

[kyleybug]

traumagirl....Thanks for the kind words but the way I see it everything happens or doesn't happen for a reason, we are all just here to hang in there and do the best we can with what we have. I stay I think out of guilt because his health is not that great and I think that a divorce would cause more harm to him. I feel that there is a reason I have this cross to bear and whatever it was that I did to deserve it must have been a bad thing! I just take one day at a time and live to work as that is where I am truly happy. I don't know too many at our station that will stay 31 hrs and not throw in the towel and go home but I do. My daughter just comes to spend time with me there when he brings her or my Mother will drop her off. I pretty much live there as much as I can so I can keep my sanity and wonder when I am on my way home( that just sounds wrong) what will the fight be about this time or will we even speak. It just has been going on for so long that I have just come to accept it and try to make the best of it. I know that it won't last forever, he won't be around that much longer, maybe a few more years, I am stong enough to endure. That sounds terrible I know but it is more terrible to think of leaving someone that has the issuses that he does. Everyone would look at me as the monster that killed him. We used to have a really great relationship, I would have done anything for him and pretty much did. We travled around the country with his job and I was the wife that took care of him no matter where we were. It has all changed for the worst in the past 3 yrs. Since I started having a life of my own and doing the things that he doesn't understand. I have been able to see in the last three years just how controlling he used to be, if he didn't think it was a good idea then I didn't do it. It just isn't like that any more, I do what I think is best and he has to deal with it!
Lisa congrats on the baby!!!

 

[PArescueEMT]

I can say that I have not dated someone in the field... well not in the direct sense.
But I have been lucky enough to have people that are understanding by my side. I agree with luno

the person should like you for you, and realize that what you do is a large part of you

but again

that's a perfect world