First ride along and I'm really worried.....

[ErinCooley]

I begin ride-alongs Friday which I'm really excited about.

I'm scared :censored::censored::censored::censored:less about who I will be riding with, however. I will be riding with the paramedic who worked on my little girl 6 1/2 weeks ago (it will be 7 weeks to the day when we work together)

I'm hoping that I am able to maintain my cool. After Caroline died, I felt really good about staying in EMT school. Now that I know who I will be working with, I'm not feeling so confident.

 

[Ridryder911]

Surely, your clinical instructor can rearrange your preceptor. As well, as the EMS service as this would be a conflict of interest on both of your parts. I am sure, they may have apprehension as well.

Good luck,

R/r 911

 

[ErinCooley]

It wouldnt be a problem at all to rearrange my schedule. I can't run from them forever though. These are people that I could potentially work with my entire EMS career.

 

[emtwannabe]

Erin,

Are you riding with Grady by chance?

I am so sorry to hear of your daughter. I am not sure if I would have kept it together like you have.

What school are you attending? My service does ridealongs as well....if you are on the southside, you might want to catch a ride with us.

Jeff

 

[Onceamedic]

It wouldnt be a problem at all to rearrange my schedule. I can't run from them forever though. These are people that I could potentially work with my entire EMS career.

You don't need to "run from them forever"... just for a little while. They say time heals all wounds but they are wrong. This one won't ever heal, BUT you will get better and better at dealing with it. Give yourself time to do it. You are in my prayers.

 

[Guardian]

If I was in your shoes or his, I'd refuse to ride with the other. It's just something you shouldn't do. Good luck figuring something out.

 

[bstone]

Erin, I don't mean to be rude, but do you think it's a little too soon to start clinicals? The loss of your precious daughter was so recent so maybe it might be a good idea to wait a little while? EMT school can wait and maybe your instructors would let you pick up where you left off before.

My condolences on your loss. How tragic and sad. May G-d bless you and your family.

 

[firetender]

I'll reflect BSTONE's concern while at the same time offer that it just may not be the right time to do a clinical with the medic that was involved in the call with your Daughter.

...and I'm saying in the clinical setting, especially THAT clinical setting. It's not where you go to have a heart to heart. You go where there is time and support for you both because beleive me, those moments were damn important to his life, too.

I'm all for you guys sitting down together and going through what you need (and can) go through with each other. Facilitated would probably be best -- someone who understands the territory. If handling grief is not understood to likely be a part of it, and room made for that, then NO, this is not the right time.

And that's the BIG question for you, Erin -- how are you doing with the grief thing?

With Love...

 

[firecoins]

wow! I have no idea. I can not tell what your emotional state might be. It might be a good idea to check in with a psychologist first. Thats alot of baggage off the bat.

 

[BossyCow]

I think I'd have the therapist on speed dial.

 

[wolfwyndd]

Having never lost a child myself, I can't even BEGIN to imagine the pain. However (and this is just a thought), is it possible that maybe this might be another step in the healing process?

My reasoning is this. We have had a few members on our squad in the past who other members have been on calls of family members and I've heard it helps the healing process to get to know the individuals on the call. I don't know if it's true or not, it's just something I've heard. Truly, it's your call.

 

[TheDoll]

if you mentioned the death of your daughter in another thread, then i must have missed it. i'm responding to say that i am very sorry for your loss, and i will keep you in my heart. take care

 

[ErinCooley]

It went VERY WELL. We even had a pretty severe trauma which I will post about next... it was really cool.

Caroline was hit and killed 7 weeks ago today by a bulldozer. My husband was doing some work in our yard, I thought she was with him working, he thought she was with me. She got behind the bulldozer, he didnt see her. She never felt anything. She was dead by the time the first responders arrived although I tried everything for her not to be!

This is absolutely a step in the healing process for me. I decided that night that rather than crawling in bed, running from reality that I would stand up to it and go on with life. We have a 4 year old who watched his 3 year old best friend get hit.. we have to get HIM better. Sinking into a depression will do nothing to help Will. I'm heartbroken and sad beyond belief, I'm also still Erin and enjoy the things I enjoyed 8 weeks ago. I will never be whole again, I will be happy again. Me continuing my emt stuff was somthing that I knew I had to do. If I can do it to my own baby, I can damn sure do a jam up job on someone elses.. kwim? We also spend a LOT of money per week on therapy.

 

[Epi-do]

I am so sorry to hear of your loss. My son is 4, and I can't even begin to imagine the roller coaster of emotion you must be riding.

Glad to hear things went well today. I hope you continue to enjoy your time on the trucks.

 

[Ridryder911]

Congratulation's on part of your first encounter of healing. I think it is admirable that you are turning a tragedy into a positive thing.

I am aware that most cannot actually say or know what one would feel or do if in your predicament, rather only describe what we would presume. You will bring with you a history and personal experience that most will not have, but may be able to offer insight to others in the form of compassion, and educating others.

I am glad that you are beginning to see the need of continuation of life and growth, especially to your other child. Albeit, each person grieves differently, and fortunately you are beginning to focus on your other child, that needs at this time too. I am very proud you are receiving professional care as well.
It appears you are dealing with this horrible event, responsible and definitely something we and others can learn from you.

Again, I wish you the best of luck.

R/r 911

 

[crash_cart]

Hats off to you Erin, keep up the good work and god bless:excl:

 

[TheDoll]

crash cart said it best...hat's off! i am really impressed with you. my heart aches for you and your family as a result of your daughters accident. however, i think you have an amazing life ahead of you because of your attitude and your strength.