coping when it gets personal

[Hal9000]

{Quote}:
I choose not to mourn; I've cried, and sometimes even be depressed for a day or two, but I have to put it in a positive attitude and continue moving forward. When I know someone has died an ignoble death, I feel pity for the lost potential, but I feel embarrassed at the lack of personal responsibility. Still, the potential is what matters and prevents bitterness. The memory of the good acts prevents depression. The chance for me to make a positive impression keeps me going. {QUOTE]}

You mourned no matter what you've named it. The point being, you did what you needed to do and moved forward.

True. I should have modified it with the term "extensively."

 

[MEDICHERO777]

Im just starting EMT class so my advice might not be the best lol. Anyways our EMT/Paramedic Professor said something cool to us that probably will help out any EMT in this situation. He said something on the lines... we are emt's and here to save life's... and alot of times offer victims second chances... but... when God say it's your time to go not even a Medic can change that. Atleast we are here to offer them second chances if we can.

 

[CollegeBoy]

I have to source back to what one of my friends from my EMT class said. He had been a first responder for quite a while before taking the EMT class.

"You have to realize, if they are calling 911, they are probably pretty sick to begin with. It gives you a sense of accomplishment when you learn someone made it because of something you did. But you must always remember they are extremely sick by the time they call 911, because the time that you do not remember this, it will eat you alive."

My FD's district has a population of probably less than 3,000 people. A good 75% of the calls are people that we personally know. We deal with the pain in our own ways. Two of our first responders are husband and wife, they talk to each other about it to deal with their pain. One of our EMTs has a punching bag that he takes the bad ones out on.

I personally find that keeping myself busy (I know it is alot easier to do on a volly, its more difficult for me when I work a part time for county EMS) when I am not on a call is best. I play guitar, computer games, this forum, school work, heck even memorizing random stuff outside of school (best part of a useless fact is never having to recall it for a test) Keeping myself impossibly busy and smoothering myself in music 24/7 is my way.

As a group, our departments small EMS squad has grown really close to each other, and when we have problems coping we turn to each other and we find the support we need.

 

[nomofica]

I have to source back to what one of my friends from my EMT class said. He had been a first responder for quite a while before taking the EMT class.

"You have to realize, if they are calling 911, they are probably pretty sick to begin with. It gives you a sense of accomplishment when you learn someone made it because of something you did. But you must always remember they are extremely sick by the time they call 911, because the time that you do not remember this, it will eat you alive."

My FD's district has a population of probably less than 3,000 people. A good 75% of the calls are people that we personally know. We deal with the pain in our own ways. Two of our first responders are husband and wife, they talk to each other about it to deal with their pain. One of our EMTs has a punching bag that he takes the bad ones out on.

I personally find that keeping myself busy (I know it is alot easier to do on a volly, its more difficult for me when I work a part time for county EMS) when I am not on a call is best. I play guitar, computer games, this forum, school work, heck even memorizing random stuff outside of school (best part of a useless fact is never having to recall it for a test) Keeping myself impossibly busy and smoothering myself in music 24/7 is my way.

As a group, our departments small EMS squad has grown really close to each other, and when we have problems coping we turn to each other and we find the support we need.

Video games (COD4), listening to music and playing music (drums) is just a way of life for me

I can already feel it sinking in and so far I'm starting to feel better. I've talked to some people that I can confide in, including one who happens to be a paramedic and offered some good advice for myself.

I'd like to thank you all for the support/words. It's made it a bit easier for me to pull my socks up.

 

[firetender]

I'm glad you showed up and even happier to see the many voices that have come to lend support!

There's probably two kinds of medics, those who've had a call that they took personal and those who will have a call they'll take personal. It's almost inevitable; some day a call is going to hit a major, very personal "hot button" in you. A lot of the time, with enough exposure, it gets even more crazy making to wonder why you WERE NOT affected by certain calls!

The calls I've taken most personally have been the ones where some aspect of them reflected a part of me, like in something I'm going through or have gone through. And then, there are the ones where, "Good Lord! I could die like that!" Taking it one level deeper, I generally find something like "I really know what that would feel like!" and it's scary as hell!

Regardless, FEELING that way at times is a normal part of the job. The more deeply a part of you can relate, the more likely it'll jolt you. Most often, it just happens in short spurts or pangs of worry, but as you've discovered, sometimes it whups you!

The most important thing, as you've already been advised, is don't hold it in, don't deny your experience, talk about it. With some of the stuff we deal with, it seems so UNreal, just acknowledging it does a lot to take the edge off. Gaining strength around it involves being willing to face it as you see it, and then take it a level deeper. Avoiding it just makes you weaker.

You have a choice now. You can accept that you had an experience that knocked you off balance and begin a process of recovery that could include each and every one of the suggestions offered here. Or the alternate is to suppress, stuff, or deny the experience and/or its feelings. One of them produces forward momentum. The other promises you'll have a knot in your belly that will grow until it either eats you up or explodes.

Another choice, which many medics make is to just wrap yourself in one more protective layer that insulates you from the pain you feel. The problem with that is those protective layers do not come off easily. The hardness inside does not get "turned on" to do the call and then "turned off" when you get home. It is YOU who gets hard.

You're absolutely on the right track, I just wanted to throw some ideas your way to consider, and perhaps a larger conversation will come of it that will benefit us all.

The idea that doing your job means you must distance yourself from your own humanity is one of the primary forces that drive people into burnout.

 

[VFFforpeople]

I am sorry to hear about that. It is never easy to have to see stuff like that and to somewhat know the person. I try ever call to put it in my head as not my problem. While still keeping my head open to care. Remember, we didn't cause the emergancy..just there to help. I hit the gym when I get worked up some, or video games, have buddies come over to chill. Whatever it takes. Keep your chin up answer your next call and keep the wheels of life moving. Many more others out there need help, we select few can see hell and keep pushing forward.

 

[medichopeful]

Im just starting EMT class so my advice might not be the best lol. Anyways our EMT/Paramedic Professor said something cool to us that probably will help out any EMT in this situation. He said something on the lines... we are emt's and here to save life's... and alot of times offer victims second chances... but... when God say it's your time to go not even a Medic can change that. Atleast we are here to offer them second chances if we can.

If you're just starting class, you may want to change what your "training" says

 

[medichopeful]

Video games (COD4)

Good man!

 

[mycrofft]

Hang tough

and make sure you have a life, friends and family.

 

[enjoynz]

I think it tends to hit you harder, when you do know the person and that the reason they died was preventable.

There are those that will say harden up, you should be use to it.
Some people are more thick skinned than others..I'm not one of them.
Counselling does help if you feel the need. The ambulance service arranged counselling for my husband when his father died, so I've seen it work!

(In other words...... if you are still letting it affect you day to day life a week or more down the track, or you are dreaming about it, get some help!)

Take Care!
Enjoynz

 

[Onceamedic]

One of the things that people tend to do in situations like this is put the cart before the horse. By that I mean they think about, write about and struggle with the "issue", whatever it is, and neglect the basics. By basics I mean rest, nutrition, and exercise. There is a hierarchy of human needs. At the very base is oxygen, quickly followed by water, rest and food. At the very very top is contentment, self actualization, emotional stability.

I make it simple. I use the HALT mnemonic. H is hungry, A is angry, L is lonely and T is tired. If I am having difficulty, it is invariably neglect of one of those letters. ( and more often, 2, 3 or more.) In times of emotional difficulty, you gotta focus on the basics. If I am hungry, I eat, angry, I express it with physical activity (others may do something else), lonely, I reach out to friends and family and tired - I sleep.

It is impossible to make progress on the difficult emotional/spiritual/psychological issues without addressing the basic ones first. Taking care of HALT makes all the rest of it much much easier.

I echo what others say. If you weren't affected, there would be something wrong with you. Longevity in this field makes it essential that you learn what works for you.

Good luck.

 

[dragonjbynight]

One of the things that people tend to do in situations like this is put the cart before the horse. By that I mean they think about, write about and struggle with the "issue", whatever it is, and neglect the basics. By basics I mean rest, nutrition, and exercise. There is a hierarchy of human needs. At the very base is oxygen, quickly followed by water, rest and food. At the very very top is contentment, self actualization, emotional stability.

I make it simple. I use the HALT mnemonic. H is hungry, A is angry, L is lonely and T is tired. If I am having difficulty, it is invariably neglect of one of those letters. ( and more often, 2, 3 or more.) In times of emotional difficulty, you gotta focus on the basics. If I am hungry, I eat, angry, I express it with physical activity (others may do something else), lonely, I reach out to friends and family and tired - I sleep.

It is impossible to make progress on the difficult emotional/spiritual/psychological issues without addressing the basic ones first. Taking care of HALT makes all the rest of it much much easier.

I echo what others say. If you weren't affected, there would be something wrong with you. Longevity in this field makes it essential that you learn what works for you.

Good luck.

Nicely said, I think I might borrow that mnemonic for my EMT class.

 

[MSDeltaFlt]

I know the general rule to cope with death on the job is to not let it get personal, however I experienced something quite emotionally disturbing last night.

I was working my non-EMS job, which happens to be a contracted event security firm. We were providing security for a rave last night, in which I had met somebody who happened to know a few of the same people I did, and so naturally there was that friendly connection.

At about 0300 this morning (still at the rave, which was from 2000 - 0600 hrs) a call goes over our radios that there is a man down in a back hallway of the venue. Upon escorting event EMS to the scene, it was then that I noticed that it was the individual whom I had become acquainted with earlier on during the event. Given the nature of the event (rave), it was a pretty good hypothesis that he had overdosed on MDMA. Now, just seeing him in that state through me completely off guard (and, although a bit personal, I was already in a semi-off state of mind given my girlfriend just recently left me). After loading him off to an awaiting ambulance, I requested a 10-100 (break).

The rest of the night it seemed to hover above me but didn't affect my ability to do my job. However, at about 1700 hrs I received an email from my employer stating that the individual had indeed died at approximately 0600 hrs. Now, given the state of mind I was in from the previously mentioned personal issues and the lack of sleep (operating on 4 hours of sleep within the past 48), the news hit me pretty hard. I've talked with others about my feelings and all that jazz already, but for some reason I'm taking this harder than I should. I have never been hit this hard when in EMS as I expect that a pt will not survive, but given these circumstances it quite obvious it had a significant effect on me.

As I have said, I've gone through some debriefing. However, it doesn't feel as if much has changed. Any thoughts, comments, suggestions or even criticism would be appreciated.
Thanks

One of the things that people tend to do in situations like this is put the cart before the horse. By that I mean they think about, write about and struggle with the "issue", whatever it is, and neglect the basics. By basics I mean rest, nutrition, and exercise. There is a hierarchy of human needs. At the very base is oxygen, quickly followed by water, rest and food. At the very very top is contentment, self actualization, emotional stability.

I make it simple. I use the HALT mnemonic. H is hungry, A is angry, L is lonely and T is tired. If I am having difficulty, it is invariably neglect of one of those letters. ( and more often, 2, 3 or more.) In times of emotional difficulty, you gotta focus on the basics. If I am hungry, I eat, angry, I express it with physical activity (others may do something else), lonely, I reach out to friends and family and tired - I sleep.

It is impossible to make progress on the difficult emotional/spiritual/psychological issues without addressing the basic ones first. Taking care of HALT makes all the rest of it much much easier.

I echo what others say. If you weren't affected, there would be something wrong with you. Longevity in this field makes it essential that you learn what works for you.

Good luck.

We've all had to heal from one thing or another in our lives whether we want to admit it or not. You may have earned it. You may not. That part does not matter. Life ain't fair. It's not supposed to be. Noone said it would be.

There are also some immortal truths. This is the voice of experience talking.

1. Attitude is choice regardless of the circumstances. It don't matter why.

2. Healing is a process not an event. Because it damn sure ain't linear. If you've experienced something that you need to heal from and you want to heal from it, pack a lunch. Odds are it'll take a while.

You're talking with somebody. Great. Keep talking with them. Faith is given. Trust is earned. And you trust this counselor for a reason. Keep it up.

Good luck.

 

[atropine]

Get out of ems, or just accept the fact that it is someone eles emergency not yours, and youll be fine^_^

 

[46Young]

Get out of ems, or just accept the fact that it is someone eles emergency not yours, and youll be fine^_^

True that. EMS isn't for everyone, psychologically speaking. I've had partners come and go back when I was an EMT who couldn't handle a pediatric arrest, someone's brains blown out (still breathing), 10-83 (dirt nap) for 5 days in a locked apartment in the summer, a 35 y/o father of three (onscene) that dropped dead on the soccer field, so on and so forth. You won't know what you can handle until you experience it firsthand.

To survive in this business, you need to be a cold hearted machine - 95%, and compassionate - 5%. I'm referring to internal feelings and thoughts, not comfort care and treating your pts well, just not really making an emotional attatchment to what's happening, not enough to beat you up, anyway.

I care what happens to my pts, but if I can't fix their problem, it wasn't meant to be, provided I did everything I could to help. I can't see the future and show up onscene before the event occurs.

 

[atropine]

True that 46 there just making these new medics way more sissy like now days. If you had the probation period I had you wouldn't have time to remeber your last call between the paramilitary like culture of the FD.

 

[SEBeast]

Get out of ems

Nicely said Atropine and 46young. How long have you guys been in ems by the way. Personally I believe that if you are a cold hearted machine, you have no business being in ems. There's other jobs where a cold heart fits in better.

 

[atropine]

yeah but where can I make over 100k a year without going to college?

 

[SEBeast]

$

I wish we all made that kind of money. I'll just have to settle for chump change and loving my job.

 

[46Young]

Nicely said Atropine and 46young. How long have you guys been in ems by the way. Personally I believe that if you are a cold hearted machine, you have no business being in ems. There's other jobs where a cold heart fits in better.

I think that I'll stay in this field, thank you. 7 years, 5+ in NYC 911 EMS, four years as a medic out of that 7. I do the job well. VERY quick learning curve there. There's no place for emotion when you're treating a pt. Yes, tend to their comfort, hold the little old lady's hand, put them at ease, so on and so forth, but emotional involvement has no place in pt care. I need a clear head to see the big picture and do what needs to get done.

Am I going to look at the 5 year old girl, unconscious and mangled from an MVA and say "she reminds me of my 5 year old" and let that interfere with what needs to be done, or am I going to approach the pt like a machine and do what needs to be done without hesitation or distraction? It doesn't mean that I don't care, but rather that I don't allow emotional attatchment to my patients.

I've worked six peds arrests as a medic in NY, all under 1 y/o. Saved two. While others have that deer in headlights look, I'm looking at my pt like the doll in the BCLS/ACLS class - without batting an eyelash - I'm taking the kid, running out to the bus while doing compressions, while at the same time identifying a driver for our rig. I'm ordering the BLS help to fold a towel under the shoulders, while I'm telling my medic partner to listen for L/S while I'm bagging the pt, so that I don't have to tool around with a tube. Oh we're good, alright lets roll. Nice and smooth, and give the note to central for the ER. We've got good CPR going, the other medic is hooking up the monitor and going for an IV/IO. Smooth. Like a machine, not an emotional wreck. You know what I'm saying? Furthermore, I don't require CISM, or need to go out of service afterward. Ready for the next job. Like a machine.

Maybe it's just me, but if MY life depended on it, I'd want a squared away unemotional medic working on my rather than an emotional train wreck, who is way more likely to make a mistake due to their compromised state.

Having said that, I do enjoy my job. I don't take the emotional aspect home with me, however.