You thought the clip on shears were ridiculous... check out these:http://bigshears.com/cart/
I've heard nothing but praise for them from the medics I've come across who use them. I'm tempted but use shears infrequently and lose things regularly so I may pass.
I just found them while surfing google. i don't represent the company in any way. I could be tempted to buy the shears only, but at the moment my place of employment is mostly transport only. the only time i use my shears are when i've got a can of soup and no can opener. and my supervisor would steal them, scribble his name on it like a demented child, and claim it was his all along. (this was recently done with my new littman...).