A Great First Impression or Did We Hire A Yellow Cloud?

[DFW333]

So a couple weeks ago we get a call for altered mental status at a group home, the nurse wants the patient taken to the ER for evaluation. We have a new guy (veteran medic, new to our system) and this is his first run. Everything's going well, Im driving while my medic partner and the new guy are in back.

We're on the highway about 10 minutes from the hospital when I hear something that you NEVER want to hear from the back.

NG: "You think you can hold it?"
Pt: Unintelligible response
NG: "Well we're only a few minutes ou...oh no don't do that. No, no NO NO NO NO aww F*!!"

My partner was sitting in the captain's chair & leaned through the hole and told me the patient had just undone his pants, whipped out his penis and urinated straight up into the air while supine on the stretcher.

The new guy yelled, "Well at least he didnt crap himself."

I yelled back "DONT GIVE HIM ANY IDEAS!"

 

[FrostbiteMedic]

At least he wasn't standing over the patient when that happened. Kinda reminds me of an incident that happened several years ago. I was working for a kinda run down IFT service (name withheld to protect the guilty service) and me and my partner ended up having to change trucks mid-shift into our reserve unit due to a transmission issue in the nice, new truck. Then we get a call to take a guy from a SNF in Chattanooga to the VA in Nashville and to do a wait and return on him. We get the elderly gentleman loaded and boogie on down the road to the VA, arriving there with no problems.
The fun came on the return. Imagine this: it is the middle of June, on a bright sunny day. The patient is supposed to be diapered, as he has no bowel control. Well, about 5 miles before we got to Monteagle, the A/C in the truck craps out. About 3 miles later, the gentlemen defecates all over the stretcher and the back of the truck (they obviously forgot to rediaper him) and when my partner goes to turn the exhaust fan on, it blows a fuse. I got pulled over on the other side of monteagle for doing 90. The trooper walked up to the truck, opened his mouth to scold me, and then asked "What the &^% is that smell?!!" Needless to say, I got a warning....