Why NOT...

[silvercat354726]

I responded to a call last night to a 14yr female hanging. We get on scene and the police are there trying to get her back. We worked this girl for 45 minutes and the ER staff worked her for another 10 minutes before calling. The whole crew there did everything we could. This was my first pediatric call, but not my first encounter of CPR/AED call. I don't understand why this hasn't bothered me as it has the other people. I have never seen a person so young loose their life. We were debriefed by hospital staff and received other information about the pt. She had a rough life, lost one parent , the other was abusive to her and her twin. She had a fight with her foster parent and boyfriend in the same day. I have two wonderful children that I was very happy to come home and give a hugs & kisses. I have managed to block the feelings and am I a cold person? Has or do others here go through the same thing?

Oh here is an interesting link http://chokinggame.net/
We received this link from the hospital and I thought it would be nice to pass it along to others in the EMS field.

 

[Airwaygoddess]

Silvercat, my thoughts are with you today............-_- Anna

 

[MSDeltaFlt]

You didn't block the feelings as manifested by your going home hugging and kissing your children. You ''seperated''.

Being able to separate yourself and being ''cold'' are completely different.

One is how you maintain objectivity to better advocate for your pt, and the other is just heartless.

Don't confuse the two. You did good.

 

[Airwaygoddess]

I know that pediactric calls will be one of the worst ones to run on,I think it makes it even harder when you have little ones of your own. How we deal with difficult situations is an ongoing learning process, I know that talking to senior coworkers, and a few great counselors have helped me with difficult calls........ Hope this helps..........-_-

 

[silvercat354726]

Ok so I need a little more sleep. My last question was suppose to say the following! Have managed to block the feelings and am I a cold person?
Thanks everyone as I now understand why it isn't bothering as I saw it did bother a few people last night. I guess I managed to separate myself and try and help the patient! I just don't understand why someone with so much life in front of them would take everything they had for them away at such a young age! My feelings go out to the family of her.

 

[John E]

just a note...

about 18 years ago, that's a whole lifetime for some folks here, I was working as a photographer. I was working on a story on death in Los Angeles, sounds kinda grim huh? One of the people in the story was a guy who did private autopsies. My own daughter had been born just a few months prior to this and I can still remember how it felt when we went to pick up the body of an infant who he was going to perform an autopsy on. I can remember the color of the walls, the table she was laying on, the type of sheet she was wrapped in. Mostly I remember how small the body was.

Being able to separate ones self from the trauma of a teenage suicide is something we have to be able to do to work in EMS, it sounds like you handled yourself very well. I only wish that more of the folks who try and tough out events like that could understand that it's ok to have feelings and to respond as a human being to tragedy. It's the folks who can have those feelings and respond humanistically and then carry on that make the best EMS workers.

When we stop responding as human beings, it's time to get out of the business.

John E.

 

[BossyCow]

I asked myself the same question after my first couple of gnarly calls. I would see co-workers upset or taking it more personally than I did and wondered if there was something missing in me that made me less affected by those scenes. What someone told me was that this was a part of my personality that made me well suited for EMS. It's more difficult/painful for those who are less able to distance themselves.

With time, I found that it's just a matter of time before something does get under our skin. With me it was a 3yo child, after a 12 hour search, found dead in the family pond. As the mother of 2 boys, this affected me profoundly. Didn't matter that my boys are in their 20s. Didn't matter that we all did our jobs well. My reaction was pure emotional hell.

It's important to know that it will happen and to have a mechanism in place for dealing with those emotions when it does. Also important to have people with whom you can discuss the feelings you are having. I'm fortunate enough to have a husband and several very close friends in EMS. After one really horrible call, we ended up violating every rule for stress management and 'de-briefing' over some very expensive beers.

Be able to recognize the signs of not coping. And know when its time to bring in professional help.

 

[silvercat354726]

You know when I first started in EMS I told everyone I didn't know if I would be able to handle pediatric calls. Well I guess last night proved everything to me that I am and will be there to help anyone that needs. Thanks for helping me understand that how we manage on these calls.

 

[PapaBear434]

I'm "weird" about it too. I just took my four year old daughter to see that new movie "Bolt." I got all sad and weepy at the end (won't spoil it for anyone with kids that have yet to see it). Yet at work the other night, we had a six year old that took an entire bottle of his Mom's vitamins, causing a massive iron overload that completely shut him down. He survived, but just barely. He may have some brain damage for all I know.

Thing is, though, I didn't get all emotional there. I felt bad for the kid, of course, and the same for the parents. But when the counselor lady insisted we talk about it... I just didn't feel all that bad.

The way I look at it is this: These people exist outside of my sphere of existence. They go about their own lives with or without me. The proverbial tree that falls in the forest when no one is around does INDEED make a sound. And as such, things happen to these people outside of my control. That kid would have still eaten those vitamins, that lady would have still taken way too many percocets, and that guy would have still got into that accident, whether I was on duty that night or not. If they were going to die, they were going to die. All I can do is my best to alter that outcome by my being there.

Basically, if I wasn't there, their chances are absolutely nil. At least if I am there, it brings those odds up a little bit and gives them (hopefully) a fighting chance. If they still die, or end up otherwise irreversibly injured, at least I feel like my presence there tilted the scales a little further in their favor. Even if it wasn't enough, at least I did SOMETHING.

Hope that helps.

 

[ErinCooley]

I'm glad that you survived. You give me hope.

I've only had 1 "bad" pediatric call, and he lived and is fairly ok today. I'm scared to death of how I react to my first dead child, and having to do CPR on a kid. My department had an 8 week old die this morning, I cried on my way home and never even saw the kid. As a parent who lost a child recently, I mostly cried for the pain that family will be facing in the next days and weeks, and how their lives will never be "normal" again.

Sorry to hijack. Its been one of those days.

 

[Onceamedic]

Sorry to add to the hijack Erin.. but I had to tell you that I think about you often. I hope you are coping and you need to know that I pray for you.
Take care girl
Love
Kaisu

 

[silvercat354726]

I'm glad that you survived. You give me hope.

I've only had 1 "bad" pediatric call, and he lived and is fairly ok today. I'm scared to death of how I react to my first dead child, and having to do CPR on a kid. My department had an 8 week old die this morning, I cried on my way home and never even saw the kid. As a parent who lost a child recently, I mostly cried for the pain that family will be facing in the next days and weeks, and how their lives will never be "normal" again.

Sorry to hijack. Its been one of those days.

I live to love/hate this field! I have been on some other pediatric calls but nothing serious. I feel for anyone who looses someone close to them.

Oh and you didn't hijack the thread, this is what we are all here for SUPPORT!

 

[Tincanfireman]

Silvercat, what you're feeling (as you know now) is completely normal, but that doesn't make it any easier. I feel that the ability to compartmentalize our experiences and continue to serve is what makes us able to go on after an experience like that. We have to be able to maintain our objectivity to provide care in the midst of chaos. It doesn't make us cold or without empathy, but we have to keep our eye on the ball, so to speak, and if we can't do our jobs, we are nothing more than bystanders. When the bad-call Boogieman for this call returns (and he will) you'll know we'll be here to listen.

 

[Tincanfireman]

Its been one of those days.

(((((((((((((((Erin, these are for you)))))))))))))))

 

[RailFan77]

Silvercat & Erin...Let me first start off by saying that you are both in my prayers, and also that your extended family on here will always be here for you. I've herad it said many times that there is no brotherhood in EMS....but I don't necessarily believe it. We will always be here for one another to talk....to listen....to be strength for one another.

Your story reminds me a little about a friend of mine...and something that happened to him approx. 7 years ago. I will not refer to him by name or by the location of the calls (I am sure that many of you will understand the reasons behind this w/o me having to say it).
My friend had contacted me early in the week to tell me about a call he was on in which an infant had died. He had needed someone to talk to...and being his old partner during our volley time...he knew he could turn to me. He had told me that he was dispatched to a call of an infant not breathing. When he got there he found three children playing video games and the mother on the phone. He had proceeded to ask the mother where the baby was and she pointed to the dining room telling them that the baby was on the table and was not taking her milk. The mother did not get off the phone. When he went in to assess the child....she was dead. Unfortunately too much time had passed and no efforts would have brought her back. When he informed the mother...she simply replied "Oh well....One less mouth to feed." He proceeded to put a hole through the woman's wall at her reaction...and immediately contacted the PD who in turn had DYFS come out to investigate. He was there for several hours and upon completion of the call he refused the de-briefing by the CISD team.
Several days later (on a Saturday), I had called him to go out with me and my ex-girlfriend. We were all going to go down to the shore for the day...he was to go with us. I called him around 10AM and he said he couldn't go. He told me then about a second call that he had that week that was starting to take its toll on him. The second call was for a 5 y/o girl who was not breathing. In this case it was purely accidental....the younger brother was playing with the sister in the backyard....and there were plastic bags nearby. When mom went in to answer the phone.....the girl put the bag on her head. She suffocated. He and the medics had worked her all the way to the hospital...and when they arrived the ER staff took over. He stayed there until they pronounced. Again he wouldn't see the CISD team. I had told him to call me if he needed me...and I'd be there for him.
At about 11 that night I got a call from him....he was drunk and slurring his words. I asked him where he was and he said he had made his way into Pennsylvania (near the Poconos) and was driving. I got him to tell me that he was drinking...quite a lot. He said he didn't care anymore. Another mutual friend who was with me at the shore that day was still at my house. We convinced him to stop driving and pull over. We also got his location after some coaxing. After driving for almost 2 hrs we found him sleeping in his car. We brought him home.

He was ready to give up because of these calls....ready to give up on life...he let it get to him and he bottled it up. After the whole thing we talked...and got together with a few other EMT's who helped greatly in talking w/ him. His life has since changed alot. He is engaged and has a great new job. He is no longer in EMS but I'm sure he'll be back one day. And to this day we are still close friends.

I guess the whole reason why I told this story is so that people know that they should not always hold back or block it out. Though for some people who block it, this is a natural way sometimes of dealing with it (and that is perfectly ok)....others should know that there are people out there that will listen. As I said before we are all here for one another....we are a family. I am glad that you shared your call with us.

Jim

 

[Outbac1]

Calls like that just suck. They bother everyone in their own way. Some people need a shoulder to lean on and others need professional help. Whatever you need see that you get it. I think anyone who has been in the business awhile has been where you are, and will probably be there again.

A quote from one of my earlier posts.

"Some calls do bother you though and you have to work through it. Sometimes by talking to your peers and maybe through a critical incident debrief. You have to work through them, otherwise it will eat you up at some point in time. If you don't deal with it, it is like putting things in a shoebox and shoving it in the closet. That works for awhile but someday you are going to open the door to put in another and everything will fall out.

Keep your closet tidy."

 

[ErinCooley]

Thanks for the hugs and prayers! They mean more than yall will ever know!:wub:

 

[MedicPrincess]

Seems to have been one of those weekends everywhere. We had what should have been a fairly routine MVC call last night. Car turned left trying to beat a Jeep. Unsuccessful. Moderate amount of damage to both. Should have been quick easypeasy neck/back pain refusals. Should've been.....

Except for possibly the tiniest 4 year old I have ever seen was seated in the middle of seat in the back, and her stepmother did not bother to restrain her. I am still shocked at the amount of damage her tiny little body did to the inside of that vehicle as she became that projectile into the dash and then the windshield. She just looked to tiny on the backboard and even smaller in the Peds Trauma Resus room with those great big Drs from so many specialties (Neuro, Cardio, Ortho, ER, Peds) working so hard to put her back together.... none of us wanting to admit to ourselves at the time what we already knew.

One of those weekends.....

So what do you do? For us, the three trucks that ended up responding for that call, all gathered at the back of our units while we helped each other clean up and just talked. About our day so far. A few jokes. About how bad what just happened sucked. A few hugs. Every so often one of us would wander back into the Resus room to see how it was going. Being the newest Medic of the 3 (17 years for one and 9 for the other), I seemed to be beating myself up the worst over my decisions. It was the first call of our shift, for all of us. All of us had went in service early to help out the other shift get off on time. We are a close shift though. The other trucks on our shift that heard about it as they came one, all worked to cover everything while us 3 took a few to just destress. Then, we get back on our trucks and go answer the next call. And we checked in with each other through out the shift. My next call was another pedi call. And one of our trucks who was in the area showed up to help.

I realized last night just how fortunant I am to work for the service I do and on the shift I do. The support for each other, ability to assist each other, teamwork, friendships.... not just between road crews, but the dispatchers as well.... I was reminded last night why I choose do put on my uniform every shift.

Call my best friend in the morning and just babble about nothing on my way home to hug my son and tell him how much I love him and am proud to have him. Take a nap. Take a walk.

I hope you all have healthy ways to get through your hard calls. For those that are having a hard time working through something and want to talk, you can PM or Email me. I'm a real good listener....

 

[silvercat354726]

MedicPrincess...

I am sorry to hear you had a bad weekend as well. I am glad to have a place that I can come to and get support. The worse part for me is I keep seeing everything that we did for this girl and nothing worked. I can't understand why a mother wouldn't strap her child in, what does it take a minute if that?! Thats mother should feel horrible about what happened! My mom lives on the same property as me, and we go down to see her I make my kids strap in and it is less than a minute drive! Hope everyone has a great turkey day! Thanks for the help.

 

[EMT271WNY]

Dont forget you can lean on the other members of your organization. They can be a great help with these calls. Your County should also offer CISM, this has been a huge help to me after calls like this.
Hang in there it gets better - not easier, but better.


FF/EMT-B
Ripley Fire District
Ripley, NY

When we say Western NY, we really mean it.