You did WHAT with THAT?!

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spinnakr

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This isn't my story, but it's hysterical, so I thought I'd share. Disclaimer: it's maybe a little graphic.

E was working medical at his volly fire station when he got dispatched (flow of traffic) for testicular pain and priapism. Enroute he finds out that an officer will meet him and his partner there.

They show up, and an officer meets them at the door. The officer has a pretty bewildered look on his face, and leads them to an upstairs bathroom. There, E finds an elderly man seated on the toilet with a MASSIVE (~4cm) edema at the base of his extremely erect penis. There's a decent (~2mm) puncture wound in the middle of the edema, and pus and blood are oozing into the toilet from the wound. The contents of the toilet are a pink mess.

After prodding around for a while, they finally manage to get a story out of this guy. The patient had been getting a little bored with his sex life lately, and he'd hatched a brilliant plan to improve it. He, through his infinite wisdom and cunning, managed to break into the EMS room of a local hospital, where he stole a filter needle and a 20cc syringe. He went home and went to work: he crushed up his entire remaining bottle of viagra and mixed it some water from the tap. He drew it into the syringe, and - you guessed it - injected it into the base of his penis!

Both E's partner and the officer were laughing so hard that they had to leave. As for E, he was laughing pretty hard too, but SOMEONE had to stay with this guy!

:excl:
 
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RyanMidd

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New Viagra protocol: Only to be administered P.O.!
 
firetender

firetender

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Viagra's best advertising comes from its contraindications:
WARNING: IF ERECTION PERSISTS FOR MORE THAN SIX HOURS;
CONTACT YOUR PHYSICIAN!
 
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nomofica

nomofica

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Hahaha!

Oh my, the lengths people will go to make things a little spicier in life.
 
mycrofft

mycrofft

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Where are Jamie and Adam?

I know, I know, 'Was I there, Charlie?'. No weirder than the guy who used a razor blade in jail to implant a ball bearing off a food cart wheel into the foreskin under his penis. (And I WAS there for that!):ph34r:
 
Nick647

Nick647

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hahaha, thats great. Im surprised I dont hear about these things more offen.
 
mycrofft

mycrofft

Still crazy but elsewhere
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That's because they are apocryphal and mighty rare.

Although I saw three others done OUTSIDE jail that thye wanted us to undo for them.
 
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spinnakr

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mycrofft said:
I know, I know, 'Was I there, Charlie?'. No weirder than the guy who used a razor blade in jail to implant a ball bearing off a food cart wheel into the foreskin under his penis. (And I WAS there for that!):ph34r:
Click to expand...

Actually, that's common practice among the Yakuza (in Japan, anyways). Whoever has the most ball bearings in his penis is seen as the most formidable, and, ironically, among certain groups, the most 'attractive.'

I can't imagine it would make sex terribly pleasurable, though...
 
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nomofica

nomofica

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spinnakr said:
Actually, that's common practice among the Yakuza (in Japan, anyways). Whoever has the most ball bearings in his penis is seen as the most formidable, and, ironically, among certain groups, the most 'attractive.'

I can't imagine it would make sex terribly pleasurable, though...
Click to expand...

Well, maybe not for the male with bearings in his penis... The female counterpart, however. Let's just say I've seen some of the oddest looking "toys" when responding to unknown medicals.:ph34r:
 
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Seaglass

Lesser Ambulance Ape
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nomofica said:
Well, maybe not for the male with bearings in his penis... The female counterpart, however. Let's just say I've seen some of the oddest looking "toys" when responding to unknown medicals.:ph34r:
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I've never yet had a really crazy sex call, although I've had plenty where the chief complaint was brought on by sex. One did come in a few months ago for two people who were literally stuck together on a dildo, but it went to another crew. Apparently it wound up causing some rather nasty injuries.
 
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spinnakr

Forum Lieutenant
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Seaglass said:
I've never yet had a really crazy sex call, although I've had plenty where the chief complaint was brought on by sex.
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Me neither - although I've had one involving anaphylaxis from a "secondary exposure" to peanuts. Lucky for the patient, it didn't result in anaphylactic shock.
 
nomofica

nomofica

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Seaglass said:
I've never yet had a really crazy sex call, although I've had plenty where the chief complaint was brought on by sex. One did come in a few months ago for two people who were literally stuck together on a dildo, but it went to another crew. Apparently it wound up causing some rather nasty injuries.
Click to expand...

I've had one call where a male had forcibly inserted a dildo into his rectum, causing heavy rectal hemorrhaging. Same week, paged out to a female whose "spiked toy" had caught on to the ring of her clitoris piercing. Been to a couple self-mutilation (BME Pain Olympics style) calls. Apparently people out in the boonies like to do wild things at night. :wacko:
 
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Michael Sykes

Forum Crew Member
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firetender said:
Viagra's best advertising comes from its contraindications:
WARNING: IF ERECTION PERSISTS FOR MORE THAN SIX HOURS;
CONTACT YOUR PHYSICIAN!
Click to expand...

If I called my physician and told him I'd had a 6-hour erection, he'd probably congratulate me, before telling me to take a cold shower and head for the ER. What would they give you to bring it back down, nitro? Hell, I've got those, too!

I can't imagine any idiot injecting themselves with ANYTHING not specifically prescribed and instructed to do so. Now, I may not treat my body as a temple, but I don't treat it as a garbage can, either.
 
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Michael Sykes

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nomofica said:
Well, maybe not for the male with bearings in his penis... The female counterpart, however. Let's just say I've seen some of the oddest looking "toys" when responding to unknown medicals.:ph34r:
Click to expand...

I remember hearing of a local call years ago where a lady (we'll use that term loosely) was masturbating with a beer bottle, and created quite a vacuum, and couldn't get it out. They used a spring punch to blow the bottom out, and release the vacuum.

I also heard of a local call where a guy was drunk and jumping the wrought-iron fence around the local museum; on one jump, he landed a little short, impaling his rectum on one of those arrowhead-shaped posts. They had to cut the post off with a hacksaw, and take him to the ER with the thing still stuck in him. OUCH!

Years ago, we were coming back from a house fire, and I was riding the tailboard (back when we did such foolish things) standing on some rolled wet hose. The driver pulled into the station and hit the brakes. I went up in the air, and came down, catching the hosebed divider dead-nuts (pun intended) in the scrotum. I hit the floor like a rock. One of the guys went and got one of the EMT's, who couldn't help laughing.

"Damn, Mike," he said, "I wish I could help you, but they didn't teach us how to help cracked nuts. I can always call a truck for you if you want to go to the ER." I just waited until I could breathe normally again, and went home.
 
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spinnakr

Forum Lieutenant
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Michael Sykes said:
I can't imagine any idiot injecting themselves with ANYTHING not specifically prescribed and instructed to do so. Now, I may not treat my body as a temple, but I don't treat it as a garbage can, either.
Click to expand...

Yea, I'd say this man is a sure contender for a future Darwin award.
 
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