Funny Things We Say To Make Our Patients Feel Better

[armywifeemt]

Maybe its been done before... but for those of us who work in privates, I know we all have our cheesy little things we say to make patients laugh, smile, or at least let them know we understand their fears and concerns.

I mentioned in another thread... I routinely tell patients who are afraid we will drop them that I would never drop them because it is too much paperwork... it has about a 99% success rate at getting a laugh or a smile, in my experience, though delivery is very important because you of course don't want them to feel like that is really the only reason you won't. I also tell them that, "we only drop patients on days that end with the letter Q"

My boyfriend got me started on telling patients, "these cots are built for speed, not comfort"

I wanna hear some of the lines some of the rest of you use to put your patients a little more at ease with the situation.

 

[Handsome Robb]

I only drop people on days that end in Y. Gotta really judge your patient on that one though.

"I know the IV hurts and if you feel the need do not hesitate to hit him" while pointing to your partner. Usually gets a smile or a laugh and totally distracts them from the IV poke. Judge you're patient well on this one too though, I'd feel pretty bad if I said it and then my partner got knocked and probably would suffer the consequences later from him haha.

 

[Anjel]

"Hello my names Anjel, i'm here to be your angel today"

Do the whole I only drop people on days that end in Y.

Some of the 12-15 yr old psychs that are obviously scared, we turn the trick into the party ambulance and have a dance party.

All situation dependent.

And don't tell us you are sick because of crack. You will get a collective crack is whack. Lol as gain depends on the person.

 

[usalsfyre]

"This says we're not going to give your information out to anyone who doesn't need it, so the junk mail's not our fault"

 

[Medic Tim]

We haven't dropped anyone yet today.

With pt on stair chair or stretcher..... Keep your arms inside the ride at all times. You seat cushion.... If you had one can not be used as a flotation device, etc. Somethimes I throw in emergency exits or whatever I can think of off the top of my head.

 

[STXmedic]

We won't be going lights an sirens today, my license is still on probation...

We've got a few seat belts for you. I/my partner is driving, so you might need them.

And of course, the "We only drop patients on [whatever day the day currently is].

 

[mycrofft]

"You wanna go REAL fast?" (driving away)

"You ought to see the other guy".

"Here's a little canned fresh air..smells like it, too, doesn't it?". (Oxygen admin)

"You're our one hundredth customer today, you get to drive!"

 

[jjesusfreak01]

"We only drop patients on [whatever day the day currently is]"

Of course unless they actually seem really nervous, and it devolves into the less funny, "I don't drop people, ever".

 

[STXmedic]

Of course unless they actually seem really nervous, and it devolves into the less funny, "I don't drop people, ever".

It typically doesn't devolve into that, though.

 

[NomadicMedic]

Is this your first time in an ambulance? Wow! Mine too!

We try not to drop people. It's a lot of paperwork, and I don't spell so good.

When I pull my 12 lead cables or my monitor leads I always tell them I'm taking my wires, but they can keep the stickers as a free gift from the county.

 

[Squad51]

"Don't worry, this is my lucky needle. I never miss with this needle."

"How young are you?"

As you're fastening the seat belts on the cot. "Hold your arms up. Just like you're at 7-11."

"Just like a ride at Six Flags. Except we don't kill anyone."

Caller: Wow! You got here fast!

Us: Thirty minutes or less or it's free!

 

[TheLocalMedic]

For those I'm going to stick with a 20 gauge, "Look, I'm using a little tiny needle, they even colored it pink because it's for girls!"

Putting the cannula on before it's hooked up to oxygen and giving them the other end, "If you feel like you need more air just blow through here"

 

[bigbaldguy]

Putting the cannula on before it's hooked up to oxygen and giving them the other end, "If you feel like you need more air just blow through here"

That's actually pretty funny. I might steal that.

I just start doing the safety demo from work. Oh, note to self, steal a seat belt extension, safety demo guide and oxygen mask from plane for use as props.

 

[MrandaPechon]

I always thought it would be funny but slightly horrible if when a doctor was putting someone under they said, "Hey guys, I am going to try this one blind folded, so time me."

 

[Cup of Joe]

If patients are scared of a needle: "Don't worry, I won't feel a thing."

 

[Sasha]

Belting them in "Stick em up like this is a robbery" (arms)

"got a couple seat belts for you. You'll appreciate them when my partner starts driving. He's an ex NASCAR driver. They kicked him out for turning right"

"so you wanna stop at the bar on the way? Pick up a couple chicks?"

"Keep your hands and feet inside the ride at all times, we are not responsible for any body parts left behind."

"this is our hipaa form. It is also a great cure for insomnia. Reading it always puts me right to sleep."

I try my hardest to make patients smile.

 

[pips11]

too funny!

 

[medic417]

Don't worry I won't let Sasha touch you.

 

[mm505]

This is my first time in an Ambulance, too! Make sure you fill out the Paramedic Survey when you get out to the hospital.

I actually had a person ask me to write down my name so they could!

 

[NJN]

For pulse ox "Gimmie the finger"