As an EMT you think you...

[lampnyter]

Would be used to death but its completely different when a family member dies. My grandfather just passed away in the hospital. He had CHF and both his lungs were filled with fluid. I dont mind if this thread gets closed but i just wanted to share since this is the first death in my family.

 

[Anjel]

I am so sorry to hear that. Death is something you will never get used to. Just to accept it and separate your self from the emotions.

But when it's your family member. There is no separation.

My prayers will be with you and your family.

 

[mgr22]

Your profile says you're 18. I mention that only because I was six or seven years older than you before I experienced the first death of a close family member. It was hard then, and must be even harder for you.

I don't think working in EMS was meant to depersonalize the deaths of loved ones. We're kind of on equal footing with everyone else when it comes to that. At least you're grieving, and you're talking about your grief. Both can be therapeutic. The only good that can come from your tragedy is a greater awareness of what some of your patients' families' are starting to feel as you find yourself on that kind of call.

 

[rescue99]

Thoughts and Prayers

So very sorry to hear of your loss. My thoughts and prayers go out to you and yours.

 

[Veneficus]

Sorry to hear about your loss.

I am not sure anything can make the death of a loved one easier.

 

[enjoynz]

I never got to know any of my grandparents, the last one die 12 years before I was born.
I have lost within the last 12 years, 2 nieces, a nephew (all in their teens and 2 of them within 4 months of each other)
to cardiac related issues, and my father in law (to cancer).
So I can truely say I understand your grief very well.

Remember and treasure the good times you have had with your grandfather,that is one thing no-one can ever take away from you!
I'm sorry for your loss.

Enjoynz

 

[bigbaldguy]

I'm sorry to hear of your loss. My thoughts are with you.
I think the loss of a life is one of those things you should never get used to.

 

[fast65]

I'm so sorry to hear that, it's horrible to lose a family member.

In EMS we can form a certain degree of separation when someone dies, because we don't know them and have no personal connection to them...but there's no separation when it's a family member.

 

[Lady_EMT]

There's nothing that will ever make a death in the family "easier." EMS makes people disassociate from strangers, but never from someone whom you've loved.

I'm sorry for your loss, I lost my grandmother last spring (I was 18, and it was the first death of a family member that I'd gone through.)

I'm sure you have plenty of people in your life who will show you support through this tough time, but my PM box is always open in case you need someone away from it all.

 

[ffemt8978]

My thoughts and condolences go out to your and your family.

 

[firetender]

This is for you all.

lampnyter

It's not a cultural thing any more to look at death, let alone participate in the process. But you know what? Long before we had drug boxes death was looked at as something natural; as if each of us was going to die! Can you imagine that?

And people were all around you and you were NOT carted away from the scene in an ambulance by people who completely detach themselves emotionally and turned over to a hospital where the order of the day is CYA. Death was something personal and worked through and was also a community thing.

MANY people in the community who were not part of the life of the deceased would come over and be part of a mourning process. Assisting the family while they EXPRESSED their grief; made room for it, took care of the cooking and cleaning and actually ALLOWED the people affected to break down and PART OF THAT PROCESS WAS BREAKING DOWN THEMSELVES!

Just as if they understood that grief expressed passes more quickly than grief suppressed.

This will be unpopular but if it gives you something to think about, I don't care. There were times, as a medic, I mourned the loss of a patient. I may have been touched by the intensity of the circumstances, the total injustice of it all or by the way I could actually FEEL the persons struggling to stay alive and I couldn't help. These (just a few, mind you) were true, personal losses, not at all in the realm of a relative but still, meaningful.

I mourned them for days, sometimes months, but I still did the work and the mourning didn't interfere because I learned to allow myself to feel a "wave" of sadness or whatever ONLY when there was free space available. Maybe by my NOT confining it, only directing, it didn't build the power to blindside me while I wasn't looking. Sometimes that's what happens.

I only have one point to make for you or anyone who reads this. Since we are so intimate with death, we may as well really look at it and the role we play in it. You may be surprised to find it could help you be a better medic.

You'll be hearing your Grandfather's voice for the rest of your life. It's real. He lives in you much as he always has.

 

[lampnyter]

Thanks for the well wishes everybody.

 

[usafmedic45]

Would be used to death but its completely different when a family member dies. My grandfather just passed away in the hospital. He had CHF and both his lungs were filled with fluid. I dont mind if this thread gets closed but i just wanted to share since this is the first death in my family.

Hey Lamp.....sorry to hear the news. As someone who's lost more family members and friends than I'm even wanting to contemplate counting, you have my empathy. It never gets any easier for anyone but a truly hard-hearted individual. If you need anything, please let me know.