Funny one liners you've said to overheard to a patient

[jordanfstop]

Said by one of the medics regarding a patient who frequently calls us asking for albuterol treatment and then refuses transport.

"The quicker you sign this piece of paper, the quicker I can get back to sleep."

[W1IM]

Pt crashed car into telephone pole, car had front and side curtain airbags. One of the EMT's commented to the guy:

"No wonder you crashed, you had the curtains down"

[firecoins]

patient "you think I am crazy"

myself "No! I think your drunk!"



you had to be there.

[mikeylikesit]

I don't want your treatment, i just need to get to the hospital"
Me: "taxis are a lot cheaper you know."

[BossyCow]

Heard from a trooper who was talking to a rather inebriated driver who just crashed into another vehicle....

The law says you are responsible to make sure the way is clear before entering the highway... judging by the looks of that car... I'm going to guess that it wasn't.

[mikeylikesit]

one of the guys who just got on as i was leaving today told me this one.
he got a called out to a medical emergency involving a child with unknown causes. when he got there and looked at the child the mother says "i don't know whats wrong with him but he never quiets down...is there anything you can do to make him quiet?" the medic goes into the truck and arrives back with a pair of foam ear plugs and says. "this outta do it"

[Amack]

Originally Posted by mikeylikesit

I don't want your treatment, i just need to get to the hospital"
Me: "taxis are a lot cheaper you know."

So true....*sigh*

[Amack]

A while back, one of my best Sunday partners and I were taking a discharge out of a contracted rehab floor. Our patient was a 70yr. old Nigerian woman who had fallen and broken her hip at home. After my partner and I total body lifted her sweet ass onto our stretcher, she took a square look at both of us and asked "Are you boys brothers, or sumting" To which I promptly replied: "Why?, Is that because we are FAT and WHITE?!"

The mortified glance she shot towards us in utter embarassment was timeless. It took me the better half of the transport to convince her that neither one of us was truly insulted....priceless!

[sabbymedic]

Middle of the night and it has been a busy one. Get a call as second car to MVC car vs horse. The scene has horse parts everywhere and the end trails are stuck to the back window of the car. Two pt's from back seat are sitting on the front lawn of someones house.

Bring them back to the ambulance where there is light to see what the pt was covered in.

With one tired look and the brake to stop what you are thinking from coming out of your mouth at 3 in the morning I took one look at the guy and said dude you are covered in @#$%t.

[capceo]

One of those things you just had to be there for, but some of you may find it amusing:

Call was for a 65YOM - Diabetic Emergency

We get there just as ALS is arriving.

Walk into the man's room, and he's kinda going in and out, gotta yell at him every few minutes to prevent him from going unconscious. Medic starts an IV.

Me: "Ok sir, Im going to tell you three words, and I want you to remember them. Im going to ask you what they were in a few minutes."

Pt. "Uh, Ok."

Me: "Ok. The words are Apple, Orange, and Car."

Pt. "Apple Orange and Car?"

Me: "Yep"

5 minutes later, the guy is totally with it now that his blood sugar has been adressed.

Me: "So do you remember those three words I told you before?"

Pt: "Sure! Bet your ass I do! Apple! Orange! Car! See!?! I remember! Watch this! Ill even say them in Spanish! Manzana! Naranja! Caro!

Me: "Great Job! I guess your feeling better!"

Pt: "Uh, Yeah sure. Can I go to the hospital now?"