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EMS Humor It's humor what gets us through the shift, and now you can share your EMS humor with the rest of us.

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Old 06-19-2010, 01:12 AM   #1
ClarkKent
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40 things I would like to say out loud at work Ö


1.I can see your point, but I still think youíre full of s_it.

2.I donít know what your problem is, but Iíll bet itís hard to pronounce.

3.How about never? Is never good for you?

4.I see youíve set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.

5.Iím really easy to get along with once you people learn to see if my way.

6.Iíll try being nicer if you try being smarter.

7.Iím out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.

8.I donít work here. I am a consultant.

9.It sounds like English, but I canít understand a word you are saying.

10. AhhÖI see the screw-up fairy has visited us againÖ

11. I like you. You remind me of myself when I was young and stupid.

12. You are validating my inherent distrust of strangers.

13. I have plenty of talent and vision. I just donít give a damn.

14. Iím already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.

15. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.

16. Thank you. Weíre all refreshed and challenged by you unique point of view.

17. The fact that no one understands you doesnít mean you are an artist.

18. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.

19. What am I? Flypaper for freaks?

20. Iím not being rude. Youíre just insignificant.

21. Itís a thankless job, but Iíve got a lot of Karma to burn off.

22. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.

23. And your crybaby whiny-a_sed opinion would beÖ?

24. Do I look like a people person?

25. This isnít an office. Itís Hell with fluorescent lighting.

26. I started out with nothing and still have most of it left.

27. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.

28. If I throw a stick, will you leave?

29. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.

30. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.

31. Iím trying to imagine you with a personality.

32. Can I trade this job for what behind door #1?

33. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.

34. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.

35. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?

36. Chaos, panic and disorder Ė my work here is done.

37. How do I set a laser printer to stun?

38. I thought I wanted a career; turns out I just wanted a salary.

39. Who lit the fuse on your tampon?

40. Oh I get itÖlike humorÖbut different.


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Old 06-20-2010, 05:37 PM   #2
Naota_X
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hah i like this one "Itís a thankless job, but Iíve got a lot of Karma to burn off "
very funny stuff
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Old 06-20-2010, 06:06 PM   #3
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can this apply to my EMT-B Class because i swear i've said half of this under my breath
very funny
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Old 06-22-2010, 11:45 PM   #4
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Funny now. Funnier in 2005?

http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/news/1148380/posts

OOPs be prepared for a little pottymouth in that link
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Old 06-23-2010, 12:47 PM   #5
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41. You just freaked out my PT that I just got calm. Now I'm going to punch you in the mouth.
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Old 06-23-2010, 10:14 PM   #6
mycrofft
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"The Forty-first Quote". I like that!

Okay, #41: "When a code patient expires, could you try to refrain from that 'Ladies and Gentlemen, Elvis has LEFT the building!!!' horsehockey?"
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Old 06-24-2010, 12:04 AM   #7
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Old School!

Please put down the donut, Officer, and mug him until I get my intubation equipment out.
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Old 06-24-2010, 02:06 PM   #8
wolfwyndd
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Most of these could apply for ANY job, not just EMS.

My personal favorite is 24.

Do I look like a people person?
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Old 06-25-2010, 09:02 AM   #9
medicRob
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Sometimes, I just have the urge to scream DRT or FUBAR (Just the acronym not the actual words, that would be impolite )
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Old 06-25-2010, 09:57 AM   #10
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#41 (a)

The paper goes in HERE, the reset button is THERE, and if all else fails turn it off and on. If you don't get it right, next time I'll demonstrate on you.
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