Dumbest thing heard on the radio

[Scottpre]

I was sent to a situation with a dog threatening some people while working as an EMT at the local Casino. Non incident. Tried to the get dog to a place we could lock it up for animal control. Thought I'd lure it with a cookie.

ME to security guard: Hey, can I get a cookie to lure the dog with?
Security guard over radio: The EMT needs a cookie....
Dispatch: EMT needs a WHAT??
Anonymous security on the radio: Tell him to get his own damn cookie...

[firefighter89]

Originally Posted by High Speed Chaser

Cadets most times get to use the radios and we think one of them was accidentally keying it every so often so the dispatcher says, I hear voices in my head. The team leader at the FAP I was stationed at happened to be a nurse in a Psych Ward. The nurse proceeds to ask the dispatcher over the radio about the voices.

Dispatcher: I hear voices in my head
Nurse: Is there one voice or multiple voices?
Dispatcher: one voice
Nurse: And this voice, does it try to tell you what to do?
Dispatcher: Sometimes mate
anyway the questions kept going for a few minutes before the dispatcher stopped responding to the nurse. I think the boss heard

This one shut up when the dispatcher responded to him.

[RyanMidd]

This came after staging outside a rural residence for about 1 hour while the patient was in an armed standoff with local LEOs.

"Lloyd Ambulance, Lloyd dispatch. Respond to residence for patient retrieval. No vital signs. RCMP has secured the scene and they are ready to receive you inside the house. I repeat, there are no vital signs."

I enter the residence, 3 RCMP on the left side of the living room, each holding confiscated weapons. Patient is on a couch on the right side of the room in handcuffs.

I approach the patient, place a hand on his shoulder and squeeze. He opens his eyes and looks at me.

"How are you doing sir?"

"Pretty ty, but I'm okay when I take my epilepsy meds."

"Okay. I'm gonna check you out before--" Radio cuts in, "Lloyd Ambulance, Lloyd hospital. The RCMP repeat that the patient displays no vital signs."

We replied "Lloyd hospital, Lloyd Ambulance. Thank you, and we will let you know when we are en-route to hospital."

[Pudge40]

Heard a dispatch a little bit ago.

Company XXX XYZ Hospital Building J Seizures.

WTF they are at the hospital already.

and this one happened to my executive director during a snow storm.

Unit: Berks, medic XXXX can I get directions to the address?

Dispatcher: Medic XXXX take the next left, follow that road until you get to the green house, then take a right, it will be the house with the red mailbox out front.

Unit: Berks, Medic XXXX Uhhhh everything from where we are sitting is white.

[Foxbat]

Originally Posted by Pudge40

Heard a dispatch a little bit ago.
Company XXX XYZ Hospital Building J Seizures.
WTF they are at the hospital already.

My service used to be dispatched pretty often to a hospital nearby until a private company signed a contract with them. That hospital mostly did rehabilitation and such and had to send pts. with acute conditions to hospitals with ERs and ICUs.
Heck, some hospitals with ER call EMS for patients who have an emergency right in front of their ER due to liability concerns.


I love when you (fire, EMS, whatever) get dispatched to, say, MVA with entrapment, and the first unit on scene requests other units "to expedite". Thanks, we were actually going to finish our coffee at the station and drive as slowly as we could, but now that you ask us to expedite, that's a different story... And I'm not talking about calls that initially were dispatched not as high-priority.

[NREMTB12]

Here is one on a busy day.

Dispatch: Standy Medic 83
tones
Dispatch: Medic 83, Emergency, (nursing home) for a ** y/o female pt. having severe leg pain, pt. has no legs

[Kaisu]

Originally Posted by NREMTB12

Here is one on a busy day.

Dispatch: Standy Medic 83
tones
Dispatch: Medic 83, Emergency, (nursing home) for a ** y/o female pt. having severe leg pain, pt. has no legs

phantom pain in all likelihood - no laughing matter

[Seaglass]

New clueless dispatcher:

Dispatch: One, please respond to...
Engine 1: Dispatch, was that for Engine 1 or Medic 1?
Dispatch: Medic.

Wouldn't have been that bad, except that she kept doing the same thing all day.

[NREMTB12]

ya i know it was phantom pains but saying that over the radio was just a dumb thing, and supervision def. noticed it and werent too thrilled.

[flhtci01]

We have a nursing and rehab facility. The unofficial name is DNR, short for D**** Nursing and Rehab.

Dispatch: Respond to DNR, man down.

Needless to say the supervisor was not happy about using DNR on the radio.