Funny one liners you've said to overheard to a patient

[TheLocalMedic]

My partner to a little old lady...

Places a cannula on her and then gives her the other end of it. "If you start feeling short of breath just blow in the end of this to give yourself some more air."

[EpiEMS]

Originally Posted by Jon

Me vs. College Student:
Me:
How many beers have you had tonight.
CS:
Not that many.
Me:
How many is that?
CS:
Well, not that much.
Me:
You're in college now. Surely you can do basic math. One beer plus one beer plus however many beers you had is?

The answer is always 2

Also, asking most college students to do basic math is probably asking a little too much (no joke -- the amount of people to whom I've explained the order of operations is too high).

[Medic One]

Not something a patient did or said but what a family member did.

Working a patient up with my partner in back and told wife to sit up front. I start driving to the ER and didn't pay to much attention to what the wife was doing until I hear psssst... I look over and she's opening my soda and eating my lunch. I very expletively said are you nuts... She said I'm paying for the ride, I'm hungry and saw the cooler so I'm eating it. I lost it on her, pulled over and told her to get out. She refused. I got out and yanked her out. The cops that were following us to the Er stopped got out and asked whats going on... Next thing I know she's in cuffs charged with disorderly conduct and some other bogus charges.
Although I laughed all the way to the ER I was po'ed because I was hungry, it was a good sandwich and MT Dew.
Never mess with a medics dew.
Come to find out they were on Medicaid (state welfare)... So I was paying for her husbands ride.

[MrJones]

Originally Posted by Medic One

Not something a patient did or said but what a family member did.

Working a patient up with my partner in back and told wife to sit up front. I start driving to the ER and didn't pay to much attention to what the wife was doing until I hear psssst... I look over and she's opening my soda and eating my lunch. I very expletively said are you nuts... She said I'm paying for the ride, I'm hungry and saw the cooler so I'm eating it. I lost it on her, pulled over and told her to get out. She refused. I got out and yanked her out. The cops that were following us to the Er stopped got out and asked whats going on... Next thing I know she's in cuffs charged with disorderly conduct and some other bogus charges.
Although I laughed all the way to the ER I was po'ed because I was hungry, it was a good sandwich and MT Dew.
Never mess with a medics dew.
Come to find out they were on Medicaid (state welfare)... So I was paying for her husbands ride.

Yeah. I'd be proud to recount that story too.

Or not.

[YYCmedic]

Pt: I... can't... breathe!!!!!!!
Me: You see this!? (pointing to SPO2 %100) It tends to disagree with your "breathing" theory! Now slow your breathing down before you pass out again. (hands out SL ativan)

[Mariemt]

Patient "I'm hungry, do you think you can go through a drive thru or something? "

[VA Transport EMT]

Discharge from hospital full of spaniards, midnight, I walk into the room glancing in the hallway at my partner because she said something stupid and I walk in "Hola senorita,". Imhad fun trying to explain that I don't speak spanish.

Situational awareness people.

[captinfocker]

Regular transfer

Her: can we stop by the liquor store on the way to dialysis
Me:we stopped on the way over we got you covered!

[martor]

Originally Posted by captinfocker

Regular transfer

Her: can we stop by the liquor store on the way to dialysis
Me:we stopped on the way over we got you covered!

What? I am confused.

[nemedic]

Originally Posted by martor

What? I am confused.

It means thy stopped at the liquor store before they picked up the patient.